J Gets a Shout Out

I can't recall when the practice of "shout out"s started. I do recall hearing it first on a radio station that catered to urban folks who'd call in and give a "shout out" (meaning, "hello" or a well wish) to family, friends, posse, etc. At YouthBuild we do "shout outs" at least once a week to highlight when someone does something good ("A shout out to Jareem because he passed his math test" "Shout out to the teachers for helping me with my essay"). It's a way to make someone feel good...and I love when I'm the recipient too!

When I first started at Covenant House as a 24 year old and new to urban environments, I had a young lady on my case load who used to come in for day services. I'll call her Nina. From the first day we met, we did not like each other. She was big and loud and bossy...and frankly, I was scared of her! She'd show up around lunchtime and start barking at me what she needed. "Get me some Pampers!" "What chu mean you ain't got no wipes!?" "I need to use the phone!" She intimidated the heck out of me and I didn't dare say no to her and if I was busy and couldn't get her what she needed right then and there, she'd huff and puff, curse me out, and complain to everyone else how much she didn't like me. It got to the point where I'd start to hide in an office or up on the floor when she'd come around just so I didn't have to deal with her.

My supervisor caught wind of this (and the excessive amount of diapers I was allowing Nina to bully me into giving her) and pulled me aside one day. I remarked about how much I didn't like this girl, how awful she was to come to the site every day when she didn't really need to just to get a free meal and free stuff and how she was bullying me. Boo hoo! Poor Jen! My supervisor, in her wisdom, simply said, "Your job is not to cater to her. Your job is to love her". WHAT!? Love Nina??? I didn't even like or respect her and I was scared of her! How on earth could I love her???

But, challenge acceptor that I am for my own good, I decided to step up. I began meeting Nina at the door when she'd come. I'd smile. I began telling her "no" to her list of demands. I'd stay unresponsive when she'd berate me, only to take it in, and then begin again fresh the next day with a cheerful attitude. She wasn't sure what to make of this...and as frustrated as she was at not being able to continue to stockpile baby accessories and personal hygiene products, she soon stopped asking and simply came in to break bread with me. I knew I had won her over when she began to call me "J".

A few months went by and one day she was sitting in our lounge wearing a white fur coat. I came in and we began to chat and banter back and forth. She looked at me and declared,"You know, J, I never thought I would ever like anyone like you". I asked, "What does that mean? What am I like?" She ran her hand down the sleeve of her arm, which I understood to mean a "white person". I pretended to be grossly offended and ranted,"What!? What's wrong with furry people? I can't help that I'm covered with fur! (hairy person that I am!) What do you have against furry people?" She started to laugh one of those deep belly laughs which infected me with the giggles and we had a good "Bhaaaaa!" about it...And with that, "The White Furry Friends Association" was born. Me as President, Nina as Vice President.

Over the years, after she moved on, I'd send her pieces of white fur in the mail or letters on crafted stationary with "White Furry Friends Association" at the top (our assistant executive director found such stationery in the printer before I retrieved it and demanded to know what operation I was running out of Covenant House=yikes!) She'd call every so often for advice or a referral but would always somehow mention our secret society ("Yo, J--when the dues due for White Furry Friends?" "You haven't been in your office--you at a White Furry Friends meeting without me?")

This past week I retrieved a message on my phone: "White Furry Friends Association! Just calling to give you a shout out! Give me a call!" Joy and delight! I hadn't heard from Nina in over a year and here she was, calling at random, and giving me a shout out to boot! Calling her back is on my "To Do" list and I'm quite curious at what prompted her to call...

I share this story for many reasons...Probably because it's one of my favorite and I share it often at staff trainings as an example at what can transpire when we look past all the things we don't like about the population we serve and commit to simply loving them. But also at how we can make an impact on anyone--even someone who decided they didn't like white people (or furry people!) but now, 15 years later, still calls out of the blue to give a shout out to the President and co-founder of the White Furry Friends Association.