Lately I have noticed A LOT more grey hairs popping up on my head. Maybe it's age but I frantically did some research and the jury was out re: whether stress actually caused grey hairs to spring forth. I'm leaning towards the positive side as after the week I've experienced, an abundance of silvery strands seem to have declared war on the competing blond-going-dark-roots-until-there-is-enough-sun-for-Sun In" field atop my head.
I like to SAY I am stress free, that I don't worry and take everything as an ordinance from the Lord, etc...but some days...
I was having an even week...a few little minefields but nothing I couldn't handle. We are about to do a 2 week Mental Toughness orientation w/ our new applicants and current students in oder to give them a "reset" beginning Monday and it's a process that takes a lot of careful planning, especially since we also have a current class of students that still need to be taken care of. I am down 2 staff members currently and will have to be away next Thursday and Friday for an overnight training in Newark (oh joy!?) So I felt pretty good when the staff and I laid out "careful plan"s for how next week would go. And then...
Our granters called YESTERDAY and said that in addition to me being needed at the 2 day training I had to bring at least 3 staff...WHAT!? Which, due to our staff shortage, would leave only 2 staff to do an orientation for about 25 kids=uh, no...I had no words...I picked up the phone to vent and talk it through w/ my supervisor only to have her supervisor call me at that very moment and inform me that her mother had passed away and she was not to be contacted =WHAT!? Oh my gosh!? I could feel the grey running up several strands, my mind about to explode w/ all the new "what if's", my mind in a panic trying to reorganize all the carefully laid plans in light of all this new info...and unable to do so in an effective way...I spoke at length w/ my supervisor's supervisor and came away w/ a few options I decided to propose to our granters so that the meeting and orientation could work in some kind of effective way...funeral services and all that on the back burner for the time being (my supervisor is someone I've worked with for about 15 years so of course I want to be there but...but...but...)
This morning, I laid out my proposal to the granters...and was informed that not only were we to bring 3 staff but also 2 kids...each day...to Newark...WHAT!? "Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that..." they said. Then trying to figure out when my supervisor's mother's funeral service might be...whenhowwhohowlongwhatbaoutwhataboutwhatabout...Grey creeping up the strands again...
And here it is 5:36pm on a Friday night and I still have no clear answers to my proposed options or funeral services or anything...and I get to sit with this all weekend.
Yet still...yet still...I DO hear that "still small voice..."Jennifer, I knew all this...I planned all this...what are YOU supposed to learn from it? How can you honor Me through it? Are you trusting Me? Don't you know that this IS for your good and for your growth?"
God knows us...He knows ME...He knows that I like to be organized, efficient, and leave nothing to chance and "what if"...But "what if's" happen...All our carefully laid plans are for naught!
James 4:13 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” 16 As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil".
So I will wait...for the answers...with patience...and trust that this is all for a purpose...for my good and for my growth. And if I have a few grey hairs to remind me, well, I'll consider them part of a lesson and not a loss.
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