Hot Head

I usually food shop early Friday mornings before work, like, "when the store opens" early. There are about 7 other customers and I can zoom up and down the aisle with ease, get what I need, and be back in the car with a week's worth of groceries in under 20 minutes (yes, really). This fits my "I-can't-be-bothered-with-shopping" and accommodates my carefully timed out routine, especially on Fridays.

THUS...when I am prevented from shopping Friday mornings, as I was yesterday, I then have to go after work...with lots of people...who don't know how to shop (in my opinion). I always seem to get anxious when I have to shop after work, probably because I know ME and how I (well, my attitude) get in my own way here...

So I got to Shoprite a little after 5pm. I was exhausted after 2 weeks of running our new applicants boot camp, I'd clocked in at work before 7am, was hungry, and just wanted to get this shopping DONE and go home. How bad can this be...?

One thing that just GETS me is when people leave their carts in the middle of the aisle and then just stand there looking for something, oblivious to what is going on around them (or the blond patiently standing there w/ her cart, her head about to explode, waiting for them to move). I always try to practice politeness, "Excuse me, please", w/ half a smile..."Oh, I'm sorry!" the people say...I respond, "Well, DUH!? How can you think anyone can get around you or your cart in the middle of the aisle!?" (in my head, of course).

I encountered this on every aisle...some poor husband with a wife list in the baking section trying to find ingredients for something, family of 3 (who shops with 3 people!?) all trying to walk side by side down the aisle, little old lady going .1 MPH, dude in one of the motorized carts, lady who decided she needed to look for a Thankgiving card in the exact same section I was in and kept reaching over me, lady in the leopard skin heels who decided to stop and talk to people in every aisle I was trying to go down...OH MY GOSH!?

I finally reached checkout...In my Shoprite, they employ teens and young adults on Friday nights. I got a nice young guy who was being personable to the ladies in front of me.

Now, I have been bringing the same bags from home since 1998 (or close to it) because I try to get everything on the belt and set up my own bags in my cart before the checker starts to scan...that way I can put certain things in certain bags. Thankfully there wasn't a bagger at the end or I would have had to tell them to NOT bag my stuff, thank you. On Friday mornings, there is even one checker who I go to because she waits for me to put all my stuff on the belt and set up my bags before she scans...got to love people who accommodate other people's quirky habits.

So I'm all set up, it's still before 6pm, and I'm glad to be checking out...and the computer dies. The kid is looking at it..."Uh oh...let me call someone"..."Someone" (who looked about 14) comes over and says,"It's dead. Move them over to aisle 12". The kid looks at me, smiles, apologizes, and tells me to move to aisle 12.

At times like this, I get heat in the back of my head. I have no idea what it means, if it's a combination of being hungry, trying to think of too many things, or whether blind rage is beginning to boil up, but at that moment, it was there. I looked at him..."You want me to put all this stuff back in my cart and move?" "Yeah, I'm sorry..." he said, with a smile.

The lady in line behind me backed up as I kept my face as blank as I could and kept my lips mushed and began putting things back in my cart...and then SHE bolted for aisle 12!? Are you kidding me!?

I could barely see...and somehow in the midst of my hot-headedness, I had the peace of mind to at least put the items back into my cart in the same order I wanted them on the belt...yes, this is me.

I zoomed over to aisle 12...and God bless her, the woman was blocking the aisle so I could go first (=what a humble for me!) I thanked her, she gave me a sympathetic smile, and I started loading my stuff on the belt. Smiley kid started scanning, cheerfully asking me did I have a Price Plus card? Any coupons today? "Yessssss", as I was occupied getting this in this bag and that in that bag...

When I was finished, the back of my head now on fire, I felt terrible--about me, about shopping, about "how I am". I paid for my stuff and Smiley said,"I'm sorry again about that"...I looked at him and said,"You know what, it wasn't your fault. Stuff like that just happens...have a good night", and I said it as happily as I could, with sincerity.

Why am I blogging about this...? In keeping the covenant of my faith, I absolutely believe that God is still working on me and will continue to. And HE knows how I get in my own way...and in reflection, I'm quite sure He wanted me to experience that whole shopping trip in a different way. I end up stunting my own growth in Christ when I just excuse my ridiculous behavior as "it's just the way I am". I couldn't have chosen to take my time? I couldn't have chosen to have a cheerful attitude, maybe say 'Good afternoon!" to folks, joke with Smiley about the broken computer?

I will choose to remember this shopping trip whenever I start to get that heat in the back of my head...and although I know it's not a warning from God about the fires of hell if I don't change my attitude (at least I hope not!), I know plenty of verses about being "hot-tempered"...and I will choose to take a minute, assess, and be more like Jesus in these situations.