Earlier this week I was invited to attend a civic groups holiday party, which I've done in the past. They would present me with a check and a load of gifts for Christmas. They had asked that I bring one of the kids with me to share their story.
I went to my current "go to" kid of the moment, one I've known for over a year, have a great relationship with, and who I knew would do a decent job (he's the kid referenced in "Night in a Box" and "Smashed Vans, Damaged Trees, and Integrity".) I "go to" this kid when I need something done (Can you make 200 packets for me for a marketing project? Can you help me carry this stuff to the car? Can you come to Camden to help with this event?) He always obliges...As hard as he is on himself, I think he relishes in being utilized and recognized for his efforts.
On our way to the dinner, I talked a bit about what to expect. I asked if he was nervous or felt pressure because I always ask him to do stuff for me. "I'm gonna work on my social skills", he said. "I don't really talk to people so this'll be a chance to work on that"...I told him to smile, be polite, and above all--DON'T CURSE. That's always my biggest warning with these kids because profanity is the primary language among many...although as many times as I've used this kid, he's never let a 4 letter word slip, so my warning was just cursory.
We arrived to a dining room absolutely jammed packed with very loud people, even though we were on time. I saw his eyes widen. "You all right?" He nodded. Our gracious host met us and led us through the room, stopping to introduce us to various people. The kid smiled, "Hi--how are you?", good eye contact, shook hands...We got to our table, met everyone else already seated, and settled in.
This was an Italian place...I knew what was coming (about 11 courses served family style) but the kid had no clue. We ordered drinks and he stared curiously at the plate of salad that was already on the table. Granted, it looked weird--greens covered with a thick red dressing...not your typical salad. He kinda fooled with it and then took a bite. "Mmm...This is good! This is like sweet and sour salad". He inhaled it in a few bites and then kept commenting on it. "Just wait", I said.
Course after course continued to come out. Strange things, familiar things with a twist. He looked sceptically at the brushetta and told me, "I don't like tomatoes". "Try this--you'll like it", I said. He did. "Mmmm! This is really good! I love this! What's it called?" Item after item. His brows were furrowed as he sampled the first pasta offering. "It's 'al dente'...that's the way pasta is supposed to be cooked", I said. "Oh, yeah? I guess I've been making it wrong them", he responded. One of the Italians at the table heard us chatting and explained the nutritional benefits of pasta cooked al dente. The kid was impressed and amazed. At one point I looked at my watch and 90 minutes had passed. I leaned over to him, "Do you realize we've just spent the last hour and a half just eating?" He smiled.
The folks at our table were good in including him in conversation. He made small talk, spoke as eloquently as he could, and seemed relaxed.
I noticed about 5 courses in that he was sitting with his hands on his knees, palms up, with his fingers splayed. "What are you doing?" I asked. "I don't have anything to wipe my hands with", he said. "Use your napkin", I answered. "I didn't get one". I nodded to his left and said, "It's right there". He responded, "That? That's the thing my fork and stuff came in". (oh my gosh...) I smiled and tried to speak low, "It's a napkin. It's cloth. That's what they use in nice places". He looked over at it and picked it up, not quite sure..."Where do I put it?" "On your lap like everyone else". He looked around the table at other laps within view. "It's gonna get dirty", he said. "It's supposed to--it's a napkin. They will wash it", I told him. He wiped his hands and then spread it on his lap.
The rest of the event went well. On the way back, as I was raving about his behavior, he said, "I want to be like you and be able to get up in front of people and talk right and know what to say". HA!? I said, "39 versus 21 years old...It takes practice and you'll get there. I'm not as comfortable socializing around folks as I looked but you do what you have to do in certain situations." "Well, I'm not drunk or high and I had a good time. That's something different for me and I kinda like it". At least he's honest...As I was saying goodbye he asked, "What was that stuff I really liked?" "Brushetta"...I gave him a quick hug and he said, "Thanks for the experience".
Our kids tend to think that Applebees is fine dining. When you dress up you wear clean jeans, new boots, and a "button up". The next day I was telling my boss that I want to be able to take a different kid to these events just for the experience of seeing something different, interacting with regular folks who aren't going to argue and fuss at you, to try new foods, to practice general conversation. I had the advantage of using cloth napkins throughout childhood and had parents that exposed my brother and I to a variety of different people, places, and experiences. This kid, at 21, had never used a cloth napkin, had fresh veal, fresh tomatoes, or a multi-course meal. Additionally, outside of New Jersey, he's only been to New York and Pennsylvania, which astounds me.
I'm thankful that as I grow older I'm not afraid to try new things (even though I like predictability and routine) but I also have the opportunities to do so. Most of my kids do not...which hopefully, I can help to change...
On our way to the dinner, I talked a bit about what to expect. I asked if he was nervous or felt pressure because I always ask him to do stuff for me. "I'm gonna work on my social skills", he said. "I don't really talk to people so this'll be a chance to work on that"...I told him to smile, be polite, and above all--DON'T CURSE. That's always my biggest warning with these kids because profanity is the primary language among many...although as many times as I've used this kid, he's never let a 4 letter word slip, so my warning was just cursory.
We arrived to a dining room absolutely jammed packed with very loud people, even though we were on time. I saw his eyes widen. "You all right?" He nodded. Our gracious host met us and led us through the room, stopping to introduce us to various people. The kid smiled, "Hi--how are you?", good eye contact, shook hands...We got to our table, met everyone else already seated, and settled in.
This was an Italian place...I knew what was coming (about 11 courses served family style) but the kid had no clue. We ordered drinks and he stared curiously at the plate of salad that was already on the table. Granted, it looked weird--greens covered with a thick red dressing...not your typical salad. He kinda fooled with it and then took a bite. "Mmm...This is good! This is like sweet and sour salad". He inhaled it in a few bites and then kept commenting on it. "Just wait", I said.
Course after course continued to come out. Strange things, familiar things with a twist. He looked sceptically at the brushetta and told me, "I don't like tomatoes". "Try this--you'll like it", I said. He did. "Mmmm! This is really good! I love this! What's it called?" Item after item. His brows were furrowed as he sampled the first pasta offering. "It's 'al dente'...that's the way pasta is supposed to be cooked", I said. "Oh, yeah? I guess I've been making it wrong them", he responded. One of the Italians at the table heard us chatting and explained the nutritional benefits of pasta cooked al dente. The kid was impressed and amazed. At one point I looked at my watch and 90 minutes had passed. I leaned over to him, "Do you realize we've just spent the last hour and a half just eating?" He smiled.
The folks at our table were good in including him in conversation. He made small talk, spoke as eloquently as he could, and seemed relaxed.
I noticed about 5 courses in that he was sitting with his hands on his knees, palms up, with his fingers splayed. "What are you doing?" I asked. "I don't have anything to wipe my hands with", he said. "Use your napkin", I answered. "I didn't get one". I nodded to his left and said, "It's right there". He responded, "That? That's the thing my fork and stuff came in". (oh my gosh...) I smiled and tried to speak low, "It's a napkin. It's cloth. That's what they use in nice places". He looked over at it and picked it up, not quite sure..."Where do I put it?" "On your lap like everyone else". He looked around the table at other laps within view. "It's gonna get dirty", he said. "It's supposed to--it's a napkin. They will wash it", I told him. He wiped his hands and then spread it on his lap.
The rest of the event went well. On the way back, as I was raving about his behavior, he said, "I want to be like you and be able to get up in front of people and talk right and know what to say". HA!? I said, "39 versus 21 years old...It takes practice and you'll get there. I'm not as comfortable socializing around folks as I looked but you do what you have to do in certain situations." "Well, I'm not drunk or high and I had a good time. That's something different for me and I kinda like it". At least he's honest...As I was saying goodbye he asked, "What was that stuff I really liked?" "Brushetta"...I gave him a quick hug and he said, "Thanks for the experience".
Our kids tend to think that Applebees is fine dining. When you dress up you wear clean jeans, new boots, and a "button up". The next day I was telling my boss that I want to be able to take a different kid to these events just for the experience of seeing something different, interacting with regular folks who aren't going to argue and fuss at you, to try new foods, to practice general conversation. I had the advantage of using cloth napkins throughout childhood and had parents that exposed my brother and I to a variety of different people, places, and experiences. This kid, at 21, had never used a cloth napkin, had fresh veal, fresh tomatoes, or a multi-course meal. Additionally, outside of New Jersey, he's only been to New York and Pennsylvania, which astounds me.
I'm thankful that as I grow older I'm not afraid to try new things (even though I like predictability and routine) but I also have the opportunities to do so. Most of my kids do not...which hopefully, I can help to change...
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