Wilderness Wandering

Within the next 3 weeks I will lose 2 staff members; a teacher and a case manager. When we learned that our program would not continue past October, I informed the staff that I would not begrudge anyone who felt they needed to seek and seize employment opportunities in order to feel secure about their future and provide for their families (I myself promised my boss that I would stay until the end and would not submit any resumes until Labor Day unless I knew for sure that Covenant House had a place for me come October 31st).

While I expected the teachers to leave closer to the beginning of the new school year, I hadn't considered them leaving earlier...or that my current case manager would find an ideal position that needed to have him/her begin sooner than later. What could I say? I told them I was happy that they were able to secure something but that I hated to lose them...

I am currently battling an uncomfortable thought that a month from now, 2 months from now, it may just be ME! Or me and one other person, or two people...And I can't teach math, how to use a drill, how to frame a house, how to use proper grammar in a 5 paragraph essay...AND I am currently commissioned to assist with a golf tournament fund raiser that has me traveling up to Exit 98 on the Parkway a few times a month (who am I to say no at this point? YES, I'll do whatever you need me to do!), plus all the details of running that...PLUS all my regular, day to day "coordinator" things (pay the bills, reports, time sheets, staff issues, kid issues, etc)

For my quiet times this week I decided to review one of the spiritual journals I keep (different than my daily ones). Today's passage was from April 17, 2011...At that time, we were unsure whether the program would have a Year 2 and were anxiously awaiting a response. One of my case managers suddenly resigned, we learned that nationally there was a 37% cut in all YouthBuild programs, and everyone was on edge about what the future held.

Deut. 8:2-"The LORD your God led you all the way...in the wilderness, to humble you and to test you, to know what was in your heart". The accompanying Daily Bread blurb said this:

"It helps to remember that the journey, not just the destination, is important to God. He uses it to humble us, test us, and show us our hearts".

"As God's testing have a purpose

Someday you will see the light;

All He asks is that you trust Him,

Walk by faith and not by sight".

As I re-read this today is brought me peace, assurance, and commitment to trust God through this leg of my journey. Wandering in the wilderness and waiting to be led to the Promised Land isn't a whole lot of fun...but I'm glad I have faith enough to know and believe and cling to the purpose in it...and that God is using it to make me more like His Son...