Going Deep

A few days ago I got a call from one of our young ladies who had been MIA for about a week. She gave a few lame excuses regarding why she hadn't been at school and I proceeded to gush over her, telling her we needed her there, her absence was a palpable gap, and that her sunny disposition was truly missed. She assured me that she would return the next day (which she did) and as we were ending the call she exclaimed, "I miss you! I love you, Ms. Jen!" which caught me off guard since she's not usually one to make such declarations. After I hung up the phone I sat there at my desk, a bit stunned, and then got teary...

Each day that passes brings me closer to the fact that our program will be ending...and along with it, the possible ending of my time at Covenant House (although I'm still holding out hope for a miracle "cure"!) And even though I allow myself a few brief moments of grief from time to time, there still runs an undercurrent of peace amidst it all.

In my quiet time this morning, I opened at random a devotional I've held dear for years. The title of the page I opened to was "His Deep Work" and it spoke loud and clear about the present feelings in my head, heart, and soul:

"God gives only good; His will and His ways are perfect. If we believe these things implicitly, we must learn to make use of the strength they can impart. We must say them repeatedly to ourselves in our hours of darkness, laying them on our hearts as a healing balm...We repeat these truths, blindly believing with a faith that refuses to be daunted, until one day we discover that there is no longer a shadow of doubt in our hearts--we know these truths to which we have been clinging so desperately; at last we have the unshakable assurance that these things are so. God has wrought His work of faith in us and given us the grace of a great acceptance, which cannot be taken from us...It is initiated by an act of will on our part; we set ourselves to believe in the overruling goodness, providence, and sovereignty of God and refuse to turn aside no matter what may come, no matter how we feel. God honors such faith and holy purpose, and sooner or later He...gives His gift of an acceptance so deep that peace will be ours forever. For no mater how deep the pain or sorrow, His work in us is deeper..."

I remember about 8 or so years ago when I started to change the way I prayed. I'm not sure if it was brought on by a passage I read or a verse in a song but I do remember praying for "the grace to accept whatever outcome You see fit"...and there was such freedom in that. Maybe that was when I began to dive a bit deeper in my faith...maybe God was preparing me even then to be able to move through my present situation with that "unshakable assurance" and has been cultivating it over the years...and yes, I believe I do experience that "grace of a great acceptance", not just about the future of my service at Covenant House, but whatever He "sees fit" to bring into and out of my life. Wherever you are at present in your faith, dive deeper...