I get a reminder every now and again that this blog is supposed to be about the priority of covenants=God, marriage, work...yet as I go through the past posts, I realize that I haven't given much devotion to that second covenant more than the third...um...
Mark and I are approaching our 20th anniversary of marriage. As I've considered this Memorial Day Weekend, it was 33 summers ago that we met each other on my Grandmommy's porch and ventured out for teenage antics (not to be discussed here!), relishing in a second summer of "love" or whatever we considered it back then...
Over the last year plus, I've noticed a definite shift in our relationship...nothing major, nothing life changing, nothing out of sorts...but a definite shift...towards the better...
And not that our relationship has ever been bad. I believe we've probably gone through the normal ups and downs of most couples...seasons where it's been that "just-married-passion-but-still-figuring-it-all-out" to "REALLY!?-YOU DID THIS OR THAT or YOU REALLY THINK THIS OR THAT", to, "Oh, you're working for the next 18 days and I'll never see you? That stinks but okay...I'll see you when I see you".
What I think has shifted over this last year is that piece in the marriage vows we rarely consider. And honestly, I don't even remember taking our vows. I wanted to get through the ceremony, get the reception over with and get on to the hotel! (HA HA!) But there it was, all along, in front of all who took part in that special day on October 11, 1997..."Do you (Mark/Jennifer), take (Mark/Jennifer) to be your wedded (wife/husband), to have and to hold, to love and to cherish..."
Wait, what? To what? To cherish? What does that even mean? I like the Cambridge English Dictionary's definition the best: "to keep hopes, memories, or ideas in your mind because they are important to you and bring you pleasure".
I heard a sermon on the radio recently about "cherishing" your spouse. The :love" part I believe we got down early--unconditional, whatever may come, in hot passion or cool seasons, "divorce-is-never-an-option-so-let's-work-through-this", etc. But cherish gave me pause.
Hopes...In the beginning our hopes were more like expectations--we'll have kids, we'll have sex every day, we'll enjoy big family gatherings, we'll never fight, we'll always have plenty of money, Jen will make wholesome home cooked meals every night=NOT! Our first few years was a rude awakening, probably moreso to me who held "MY PLANS" for what marriage was "supposed to be". Enter reality, conflicting work schedules, infertility, a misalignment of priorities, and job changes...Expectations have morphed into hopes, for me at least, but they have changed over the years...I hope we can continue to talk through issues and not argue...I hope that we are able to maintain our current level of lifestyle but I know we've endured leaner years before...I hope that whatever next tragedy or unforeseen event happens we are able to weather it together as we've done over the last decade...
Memories...goodness!? An abundance!
Webster defines cherish as, "protect and care for (someone) lovingly"...and I believe over the last year we've done more and more of this. Been more considerate of each other's feelings...paused a bit more before speaking/reacting...retracted words we began to speak because they were not going to produce a good reaction or deposit into one's emotional bank account...touched more...thrown out terms of endearment more (He is currently "Love", I've been "Momma" for quite a while)...I know that apart from my relationship with Jesus my marriage is the most important...and as I mature and get out of my own way, I am aiming consciously to cherish my beloved more and more. Because this is who God gave me to love..and honor...and cherish...and that, my friends, is a priority of covenants.
I heard a sermon on the radio recently about "cherishing" your spouse. The :love" part I believe we got down early--unconditional, whatever may come, in hot passion or cool seasons, "divorce-is-never-an-option-so-let's-work-through-this", etc. But cherish gave me pause.
Hopes...In the beginning our hopes were more like expectations--we'll have kids, we'll have sex every day, we'll enjoy big family gatherings, we'll never fight, we'll always have plenty of money, Jen will make wholesome home cooked meals every night=NOT! Our first few years was a rude awakening, probably moreso to me who held "MY PLANS" for what marriage was "supposed to be". Enter reality, conflicting work schedules, infertility, a misalignment of priorities, and job changes...Expectations have morphed into hopes, for me at least, but they have changed over the years...I hope we can continue to talk through issues and not argue...I hope that we are able to maintain our current level of lifestyle but I know we've endured leaner years before...I hope that whatever next tragedy or unforeseen event happens we are able to weather it together as we've done over the last decade...
Memories...goodness!? An abundance!
Many happy, many funny, a few sad...but it's "us" and we often revisit all those times, retelling stories and marveling at what has defined "us" and our relationship over the last 20 years. And many of the memories I never thought would be a part of the mental photo album=skydiving, baseball trips, NASCAR, shooting at the gun range, etc. What a nice surprise...
Ideas...? That gave me pause...Do I have ideas for the future that are important and bring me pleasure? Well, sure! I love that we are in constant continuing communication about how to beautify our home, having undergone an expansive exterior renovation last year and are now in the midst of putting in gardens, trees, and walls. I love that in the midst of the current "storm" I'm living through Mark has proclaimed he has my back whatever decision/change I think I need to make, if any. I love that this bacon hobby of his may result in something greater (well, maybe not LOVE but I'm open to discussing it...), that the next few years may bring...what??? Who knows???!!! But I'll go through them with HIM...and that's a GREAT idea in my book!
And then there are memories where you think, "Wow...we were so young and goofy!" Yeah...New Orleans...great trip!
Webster defines cherish as, "protect and care for (someone) lovingly"...and I believe over the last year we've done more and more of this. Been more considerate of each other's feelings...paused a bit more before speaking/reacting...retracted words we began to speak because they were not going to produce a good reaction or deposit into one's emotional bank account...touched more...thrown out terms of endearment more (He is currently "Love", I've been "Momma" for quite a while)...I know that apart from my relationship with Jesus my marriage is the most important...and as I mature and get out of my own way, I am aiming consciously to cherish my beloved more and more. Because this is who God gave me to love..and honor...and cherish...and that, my friends, is a priority of covenants.
Even when you're first 15 minutes of marriage includes being assaulted by birdseed=great memory!
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