A Simple Thank you!

I was checking email yesterday and I saw an interesting subject line: A Simple Thank You!  When I saw the sender, a youth from many years ago, I was pretty astonished to be hearing from this particular young lady.

It was 2003 and this young woman I'll call Linda came to us very pregnant and very alone. I got to know her well and as I recall, she was a piece of work, as many of our youth can be. As her due date got closer, she asked if I would be there when she gave birth. I was 6 years in at Covenant House and had already assisted in one birth in 2000, so I had it ok'd by my supervisor and waited for the call.

It came early one morning--Linda was in labor. I drove to the hospital where she was and I remember vividly walking into her room. It was dark and very empty...except for her. She was laying on the bed, writhing in pain. Alone. By herself. No mom to ease her anxieties. No baby's father to help her welcome their child into the world. No sister or aunt or friend. No one to wipe the sweat from her forehead or feed her ice chips. Just Linda. Alone on the bed. Laboring. Frightened and in extreme pain.

I was so sad in the moment...SO sad. And I felt very helpless but I did what I could. I coo'd over her, cheered her efforts, got the nurse when she had to go to the bathroom, wiped the sweat from her forehead, held her while she cried.

The staff could not have been more cold and impersonal. I can only imagine what they were thinking...Another single mom with no support. Here is some social worker trying to help her. They even teased her by saying that most first births take 8-10 hours, seemingly to urge her to push and work harder so it would all be over sooner.

And it didn't take long. I remember holding her up and urging her to push and sweating up a storm breathing long with her. I felt like I was doing more work than the nurses and doctor and I had no clue what I was even doing but what I'd seen on "A Baby Story" on the TLC channel. When the baby, a boy, finally emerged, we both cheered and cried.  After a while I left her to go to work...alone.

I can't recall how long she stayed with us afterwards but I do remember seeing her from time to time over the years. She gave me pictures of the baby as he grew but eventually she went on her way and into her own life, closing the Covenant House door behind her. Until yesterday.  This is the bulk of what she wrote to me:

The reason for my email is first, to say hello. Second, to say thank you. After all this years it dawned on me that i did not say thank you for every thing you have done for me at the toughest time of my life. You have changed my life completely and helped me become a better person and most importantly you were there for me when i had no one. Thanks to you and a few others i am the person i am today. I am a college graduate with a psychology degree, I have a healthy 12 year old son (i know i cant believe it either), I am about to be a home owner in a few months and I have a job that i absolutely love. I work for a non profit that raises money for youth in xxx who are in distress, just as i was at one point. You are one of the reasons i am who i am and i could truly say you have always been one of my heroes. I just really wanted you to know that i always kept you in my heart all these years!

I cried as I read this. You just never know how you impact a person. Irony, I ruffled a few feathers this week with a few situations that I thought were right at the time but in hindsight could have been handled or said differently. I have a thin skin when it comes to people being upset by something I've done but I've tried to learn to just roll with it, forgive myself, and keep it moving and NOT allow it to rent space in my head. hard but I'm getting better at it.

When it comes to the kids, present or former, I take it more to heart. I know I've said things or acted in ways that have not been the best for them but I have chalked it up to learning and growth on my part. Still, it pains me to know that perhaps something I've said or done has impacted them in a negative way But to get an email like this...It does something to your spirit to know that 12 years ago--yes, even with all the mistakes I make today--12 years ago, when I was younger and less informed,  I did do something right. And someone never forgot it and took the time to say thank you.

A hero? No...I've never seen myself that way and wouldn't classify myself as such. But it is nice to know that at least being there--being present with Linda in was one of the most important moments of her life--made a difference. That she didn't have to labor alone, give birth alone, and there was someone there to help her welcome her beautiful child into the world. Even if it was me.