One kid of late has been lingering...I'll call him James. Usually I see the kids in passing because they all work and are pretty independent, plus they have no reason really to see the blond lady that comes in a few days a week (when I'm not running all over New Jersey) but this kid wandered into my office a couple of weeks ago and we started chatting.
His story was a sad one...foster care, no roots, no family. Still, he is well spoken and bright. Guarded but easy to talk with. I learned that he loves Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, has no proper coat, and used to work at one of the big box stores. He has tended to wander into my office at the exact moment I'm in the middle of "something important", planted himself in a chair, and wait for me to acknowledge and engage with him...which I do. I half close my computer, switch my head from the "I-must-do-this-right-now" mode to "This kid wants/needs attention" and we begin.
The other day we got onto the subject of religion and I'm not even sure how it started. I do remember that he made the statement that he "lost his belief in God" at one point which I asked him about. He said that when he was a little boy, about 6, he used to pray to God a very specific prayer--just 1 thing.
"I used to wish and wish and wish...every night I'd ask God for the same thing. It never happened so I stopped believing in Him". I smiled. "So God is a genie who's supposed to grant your every wish?" He smiled.
I moved on cautiously...you never know where these discussions may lead. And, as always, I prefaced each new sentence with, "Can I share this with you? Can I give my opinion? Do you want to hear my experience?" so I don't get accused of proselytising (which nobody would do but still...) He listened...he didn't argue...I talked about rocks and learning to hear God's voice and faith and trust. I validated his 6 year old self...those desperate prayers of a little boy that went unanswered in THAT time. We talked about how God answers prayer, connecting the dots, and timelines. It was very humbling...
I share this only to remind myself what a great and precious opportunity I have with these young people...that I work in a place that I CAN share my faith and perhaps bring some of these kids a little closer to knowing the Lord. But also to acknowledge that so many answers are out of my realm. Why didn't God answer the prayers of a sad little boy? I do not know...and that isn't for me to know...But I trust that He has His reasons.
James ventured around today. I put him to work helping me stuff bags for the Sleep Out next week. Simple tasks...no heavy talk. Yesterday we spent 10 minutes discussing cereal. Neutral subjects. I mentioned to our coordinator that I thought he was a neat kid. She responded by telling me that he has trust issues and rarely opens up because so many people have left him and he's had to move so many times (ahhh, the pitfalls of foster care). I hope James continues to come into my office. I now know he likes Laffey Taffey so I think I'll make sure there is some in my candy basket. And I'll keep praying that he'll leave the door open for us to continue to discuss issues of faith...and be grateful that God chooses to use me--little old me--to do so.
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