So often we want to know things--about a situation, about our future, about people, etc. The more I grow as a believer the more I've come to learn that obtaining knowledge, at least in Biblical terms, has more to do with learning about who God is than knowledge about the world and all that is within. And knowing who God is causes me to deepen my trust in Him rather than seek knowledge of "life" around me.
In Colossians 2:3 we read that it is in Christ "in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge". And yes, we should ask and seek wisdom, discernment...but the more we know, sometimes, the greater the risk of losing peace.
If I know that someone doesn't like me or has said unkind things about me, my peace is gone, a least for a little bit. What a waste...If I knew that sometime within the next 5 years my or Mark's job or life would end I'd be on pins and needles. When I learn of the indiscretions of others or situations that have nothing to do with me but affect my spirit in a sad way, my joy is robbed. I'm certainly not saying that we should live in ignorance...but we, or I at least, want to be mindful of what I ask for in regards to knowledge.
The best example I can give is a few seasons ago when I had no idea if I would still be employed with Covenant House once the YouthBuild grant ended. I wanted to know...and for a small amount of time I gave into having my peace poked by the thief of "what if" (where would I go? how much could I earn? how will our lives change? etcetcetc). However, that season brought about the lesson of trust versus knowledge and until God in HIS TIMING revealed what was to be, I can honestly say I took each day at a time and simply trusted. To use Joyce's words, "This is why God holds information and tells us to simply trust Him...Trust is really better than knowledge. Trust ministers peace".
Trust ministers peace...chew on that for a minute. I'll admit I struggled a bit with this over the last month as I managed our second annual Sleep Out. In hindsight I'd set our goal too high and as the event date drew near we had twice as many sleepers but had raised less than half of last year's support which baffled me. Each morning on my way in I prayed aloud to the Lord and told Him I trusted Him and that if I knew at the end of the day I had done everything within my power to encourage people to fund raise and gave them all the tips and tools to do so and the money wasn't there, I could sleep in peace because I'd done my part.
Events on any level are tough and not my favorite thing but I make my lists, attend to the details, plan way ahead, and execute with a, "Piece of cake" mantra (which really works for me). However, 2 days before the Sleep Out I got a bit boo-hooey" and had a little pity party for myself on the way to work. I am a team of "Me" in South Jersey and although I can ask the other members of our staff to help with certain things, I am the only one in the development department versus our team of 8-9 up North so it mostly all falls on me. Plus, the other staff down South have their own departments to run so I'm mindful of how much I ask f them. I can't justify asking someone whose role it is to tend to the kids to make name tags or write press releases or fill 60 bags with give a ways--the kids come first. So I make time and I do it.
Anyway, I got prickly and "woe is me" for a little bit...and I prayed for God to help change my attitude because I HATE when I get that way (human that I am!) I'd told myself and the Lord from the beginning that I would trust Him...so I would.
The next day I came into work with a great attitude. I was sitting at my desk when Ms. Diane, my "humbles" teacher, came in an handed me a stack of envelopes. One was a regular donation, the next was $50 from someone that couldn't attend the Sleep Out but wanted to give a gift to someone's page (how nice!) and the next was a check for...$X,000 (greater than 5, less than 10).
Huh? No note, nothing in the memo, not a name I recognized. I looked up the couple in the database=nothing. The address was from the Camden area...I did my thing and found them and called, thinking that no one answers their house phone anymore. But a woman did! I told her who I was and how pleased we were to receive her very generous gift. "Oh, you got it! I'm so glad you called!" I told her about the Sleep Out and asked her if I could apply the gift to the event. "You do whatever you want with it!", she replied. In humility, I asked her, stammering a bit because I just couldn't believe all this, why she gave us such a large and out-of-the-blue donation. Turns out a relative had recently passed away and as they were going through their belongings, they found one of the little Covenant House books we give away every so often that Sr. Mary Rose wrote way back when. This woman read the book and learned that the family member was a supporter of Covenant House. She was so moved by the book and what we do that she decided to give us a gift.
As soon as I got off the phone it was almost like I could feel God's big hand patting me on the back and a voice saying, "I got you, Kid" (really!) Had I known that gift was coming, I would not have been taken to a deeper level of trust. Had I known ahead of time that we'd go from $99K the morning of the event to over $120K by Thanksgiving, I would have been robbed of the peace that God had and still has it all under His control. A simple lesson...one I aim to keep learning over and over and over.
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