I guess I should be thankful when God knocks me down a bit in order to share with others about Him and His refining work in me...This was only going to be one story but alas--God saw fit to remind me of humility twice this weekend.
I like a tidy house. I know where my dirt is but on most given days you can walk in and feel at ease eating in my kitchen or using my powder room. I try to make sure rooms are free of clutter, things are put away, and, most important, that it smells nice. In my memory bank are horrific scenes of me entering homes where my nostrils were immediately assaulted with the pungent scent of dog or cat or filth...I recall going into one person's home, not having anywhere clean to sit, and after a half hour, couldn't rid my clothes of the permeating scent of unclean Rover. We have 3 cats and a dog...so I am forever on the sniff for any indication that they live there at all.. Besides, a home should smell nice! I am always burning incense, yummy candles, herbs on the stove, and Febreezing everything so that when one walks through the front door you think, "Ahh! It smells good in here!"
THEREFORE, when I notice Marni starting to get a bit ripe, I begin the plants the seeds in Mark-the-dog-bather's head. "She needs a bath", I mentioned a few weeks ago. "Yeah", he agreed. We agreed early on the dog bathing would be Mark's responsibility, although I probably should have set clear expectations as to how often I wanted this done. Nevertheless, he does the job, although not in as timely a fashion as I would prefer....Still, having only bathed the dog once in anger because Mark hadn't done it, I gladly leave the task to him--whenever he gets around to it. I have found the clearer I make my request, the more likely he is to carry it out. Monday I left a note on the counter: "Please give Marni a bath before Saturday". Saturday is my clean-the-house day and, typical of Marni, when she's finished her bath she runs around the house trying to dry herself off on all the furniture. If Mark bathed her before I cleaned, then I'd be able to clean off all her wet fur. "Before Saturday" didn't necessarily mean by Friday's end, I know Mark knew this--it meant before I cleaned on Saturday.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday...no clean pups. Hmmmm....Saturday morning came. Mark and I both have routines and I had purposely left the note out on the counter as a reminder for him and had NOT verbally reminded him. I got back from the gym, had breakfast, and began to do my "Saturday-pre-clean" stuff (laundry, water plants, pay bills, etc). I started to allow myself to get agitated that he hadn't given the dog a bath yet...So I started to form the argument in my head, what I would say, how I wouldn't bake him the cookies I'd intended to bake because he didn't bathe the dog, how I would use the word "disrespect"...I rehearsed this in my head for about an hour and was amped up to go...until...
"It's time", Mark proclaimed to Marni across the room. "Time for what?" I asked him. "Time for a B-A-T-H", he spelled (she knows what the word "bath" means) and he went on to tell me about his new strategy for getting her upstairs...and I totally deflated in my mind and heart...and felt terrible that I had wasted so much needless energy planning for an argument that even if he hadn't bathed the dog did NOT need to happen. And it was as if God attached an ipod to my ears and blasted this familiar verse from 1 Corinthians: "Love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things..." I had not believed, I had not hoped...and I felt horrible. I had assumed the worst for my beloved...and had not believed that he would honor my request. Shame on me...A "humble" for sure. Keeping covenants...I will aim to believe all things, hope all things (that Mark WILL give the dog a bath when I ask!) and endure all things (be loving, kind, and tolerant even when he doesn't).
Humble #2 has some history. In planning for an event, I invited a bunch of donors. One called out of the blue to RSVP that they would not be able to attend. I had picked up the call in my colleague's office, thinking it would be a brief conversation. It ended up being over a half hour of listening to this person's personal woes and life dramas. I really tried to stay engaged...but after a while, as my colleague was looking on like, "You're still on the phone???" ended up making that "yap yap yap" motion w/ my hand and rolling my eyes. In my spirit, I battled the side that told me to be compassionate, listen, "this is an opportunity" versus "I-have-so-much-to-do-I-really-can't-be-listening-to-your-problems". As this person kept going on...and on...and on...they dropped some hints of faith. I perked up at this and on a leap of faith asked, "Are you a believer?" to which they relied, "Yes!" So, in humility, I offered some words of scripture, promises of God, and other "Christian-like" things to give some hope to this person's situation. In hindsight, I was genuinely trying to speak words of life...but the "work" part of me was trying to connect on another level in order to develop the relationship in order to (hopefully) get a larger increase in their donation. There--I said it...and it feels horrific to even admit that...yet it's the work I've been called to do...or so I am led to believe. Not something I am proud to admit...urghurghurgh...
This person gave a donation recently, the usual one that they give each month, right on time. Not huge but enough...what they are able to give. Usually I write a nice hand written thank you note but this time I sent an email, thanking them for the consistency and that we can count on them to continue to support our kids month after month (which is/was 100% sincere).
Humble #2 came Sunday morning. I TRYTRYTRY to make "no checking work email" a rule for weekends...But it's tough. I had a few minutes before I left for church so I decided to check and see if anything needed my immediate attention for Monday morning (both my supervisor and executive director send emails on Sunday, something I do not want to get into the practice of doing!) I usually just scan the subject line to see if there is anything interesting...and I saw a response from the donor to the thank you note I'd sent a week ago.
They told me I didn't need to thank them every month for their donation as long as they got a tax statement at the end of the year (LOL!) They thanked me for the card and invitation I'd sent to come our our site and said they'd be happy to do so once their life calmed down a bit..."Which brings me to the real purpose of this email...I have a prayer request". This person's family member had undergone surgery and hadn't woken up yet...They were going to travel to see the family member and asked me to pray for traveling mercies and that they would get to see the loved one "before he/she goes home to be with the Lord". Oh my gosh...When I got in my car to go to church, I almost broke down in tears...tears for the donor, tears of shame and humility that I had balked at giving them the attention they needed at the time of that very looooooong phone call, and that at least they saw/heard/learned enough about me to know that they could call on me in a time of need for prayer!? I felt so unworthy of that ask!? But I consented and prayed for them, their family member, and the whole situation on the way to church. It was affirming and humiliating all at once...and a good reminder that God has me in this position for a reason...and that may be to raise money for Camden or create money-making fund raising events or just to give hope to a donor...and that I need to listen...and be present...and give the same compassion to whomever I come in contact with, kid or no kid. With no ulterior motives--to just be used as GOD sees fit...Humble #2...
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