For my 10 year award, I got a shadow box with a neat replica of our logo done in glass??? Some kind of substance...People got up and said nice things--it was great.
Today was the celebration of my 15 years (which I reached last November). I was sharing the spotlight with another colleague who'd reached 20 (unheard of for Covenant House! Our first!) I'd been practicing my speech for the last 20 months, envisioned what the day would be like, who would say what, what "old kids" would come, etc. Of course, I know well enough to know that things never go as you imagined...
A few weeks ago, I gave one of my colleagues a list of kids to reach out to who I'd wanted to attend. There was a good combination of old heads and kids who I'd worked with over the last 2 year in YouthBuild...I hoped all would come but, knowing our kids, cell phones were cut off, no one could find so-n-so, etc.
Two kids I really wanted to see were from the "Touchstones" post and "A Nice Surprise"--kids I 've known forever and have been a crucial part of my time at the Cov. I'd called the "Touchstones" kid a few weeks ago to give him a head's up that my colleague would be calling to invite him to come. "I'm there", he said. I hoped so.
Until he called yesterday and said he had to work...Disappointment flooded my heart...but I told him that his family came first, no big deal, do what you have to do. Inwardly, I was crushed, but what was I gonna do...except...
I knew this kid to be a prankster...so I got the hope in my head that maybe he was pulling my leg and would show up anyway...and then I tried for 24 hours to banish that thought because I didn't want to have the hope and then be disappointed. It was a wrestle...I prayed intently this morning to accept whomever the Lord saw fit to be a part of this day.
They usually have a big lunch before the ceremony. I NEVER eat lunch if I can help it so I aimed to be there closer to the ceremony start time. A co-worker called me, "Are you coming?" "Do they have shrimp?" I asked. "YES! All for YOU!" she replied, knowing that would be the ONLY thing that would make me eat between 7am and 5pm. So off I went.
Balloons, neat table settings, streamers...The shelter was decked out for a celebration. I sat and inhaled a few plates of shrimp and tried not to swing my head around every time the door opened to see who was coming in.
They acknowledged my 20 year colleague first...Then it was my turn...My colleague-then-supervisor-now-colleague-again got up and gave a speech I wish I had recorded. It was such an affirmation of who I strive to be at Covenant House (and I know I don't do it perfectly!) She started with all the different roles I'd had over the years...and then said, "This is what Jen has done...Now let me tell you about who Jen is"...and she started to cry. "Anyone who walks into Jen's office knows who Jen is", and she talked about the cross that hangs on my wall, my faith, my love for the kids...I could hardly stand to listen (really--it's hard to hear people gush over you) But then she said...
"Now let me introduce someone who has been in Jen's life for over the last 13 years...'Touchstones'", and the kid was there!? (IKNEWIT!IKNEWIT!) To hear a staff tell of your great work is one thing...to hear a kid say it is another. I was undone. As he spoke I started thinking of all the years of investing and jail mail and jail visits and phone calls and prayers and angst and hope and cheer and I almost lost it.
This is the award I got...the kid is the one from a previously blog ("Learn Anything in Kindergarten?" maybe? Can't recall...the kid who didn't want to share)
And this is the "Touchstones" kid...and he even mentioned that in his speech about me how Covenant House had been a touchstone for him for so many years.."but really it was Jen" (HA!)
It was a great time....and then I got back to my office...and got a phone call...and the kid from "A Nice Surprise" had turned up late!? So I told him to come over to my office and he did with his girlfriend and 5 month old baby. We sat for an hour and told "remember when" stories but at a few points he began to pour out his heart which is untypical of him. He kept telling me what an influence I was over the years, how my jail mail helped him out of dark days, how challenging words had altered his life's course...I had no idea I'd had such an impact on this young person--really. I knew he was grateful, but life altering? That's pretty heavy.
So I sat back in my chair, pointed to the cross above my head, and said, "You sit here telling me that I helped save you. It was not me. I'm just a vessel. It was God reaching to you through me. I may not have done it perfectly over the years, but don't see me as the One who helped you--see that it was God using me", and he got teary.
And it's the truth...I've done as much as I could over the years for these kids and this agency...but I have found that it is God working through me for them. And I will NOT take the glory away from what HE has done.
One thing I did say in my speech..."I never intended to stay here. This was supposed to be a 'meanwhile' job until I had children of my own...Well, after 15 years, I have accepted the fact that God must have seen it fit for me not to be a mom...I guess He knew I'd make a better 'Ms. Jen'". Yup!
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