A What?

NOTE: This post was a draft from several years ago I realized to day I never published=enjoy!

Picture this...a bunch of inmates sitting around a table, all writing letters to whomever. Maybe they are trying to be impressive, maybe they are feeling down on themselves, stupid for being in jail, lower than low, capital L Loser...maybe they feel the need to prove to whomever they are writing to that they are both intelligent and quite well read in spite of there current circumstances.

Every so often I get a piece of jailmail that I suspect has been influenced by such a circle (this really does exist--I've asked) A few pages of words  and sentences that no one uses in general conversation--ever--and that sound ridiculous coming from the kids I know to say, "Ay, yo, whussup, Yo?" It strikes me as funny and sad at the same time and I picture whomever it's from sitting there with a a thesaurus, dictionary, and cell mates trying to sound smart by using "missive" instead of letter. 

TJ is a kid I've known over a decade, circa 2002.  The last time I saw him was right before YouthBuild started back in 2010.  He was always a piece of work but we had a good relationship and every few months he'd show up to visit and chat. I remember telling him that I only believed 10% of what came out of his mouth (teller of tall tales that he is--he laughed at that) but I gave him my ears, time, and heart whenever he needed it. This has included a few prison bids over the years for various offenses.  A few months after I'd seen him in 2010 I learned he was indeed in prison again.  I jotted down my usual page of "I see you find yourself in unfortunate circumstances yet again", offered some words of comfort, and sent it off. I never heard from him (which is typical and fine with me).  Until a week ago.

I often find that as the probability of parole draws near, I am called upon to advocate to the board on behalf of a kid. I usually consent to this. TJ was asking for such a favor, after beginning his letter with, "I'm sorry it's taken me 2 1/2 years to write back to you".  80% of the words were not his own...a bunch of SAT words I had to look up, some shmoozy niceties (that 20% was him), and a boatload of thanks for all the years of support (also him but he used words with too many syllables).  I crafted a letter to the parole board and sent it to him for approval before I sent it forward to Trenton.

Last week he wrote back...and I shook my head through most of the letter...because I KNOW this kid (well, young man now, almost 33!?) and he does NOT speak this way..."Ms. Jen, I do not contradict your injunction written to parole". Injunction? I had to look that one up...it barely fits in the context...but 2 points for trying. But the next line really threw me: "I want to thank you for being such a buttress, an adherent, and a benefactor in my life and I want you to know that I appreciate all that you're doing and have done for me".  A what!? A buttress? I called out to a colleague, "Hey L___! What's a buttress? TJ just called me a buttress!" So we look it up and it has something to do with support structures but also can be used to refer to someone who is supportive...Adherent? I know what that is as in something sticky but I'd never heard it used to describe a person...Benefactor? I thought that only had to do with money (which I've NEVER EVER done for a kid locked up) but Websters says, "Someone who gives aid".  Ok...

I try to put myself in his shoes...In the 11 years I've known him, I've probably known him more in prison than out.  And that's pretty sad.  Especially since he's a smart kid and he knows that I know that he can do better...So maybe by calling me a buttress instead of "nice lady" it somehow makes him feel better about himself, smarter, less like a criminal, inmate, felon, etc...all those negative words...maybe it helps him to feel eloquent, keen, and insightful...

I did appreciate, "You are an asset and a cornerstone for the Covenant House and the many that will cross your path during the rest of your career". I hope so...and cornerstone sounds a lot nicer than buttress...