I had an affirming moment yesterday. I was walking out of Covenant House and I spotted a young woman half a block away. She spotted me at the same time and we both yelled out to each other in delight. It was "Coco", a young lady I met during my first year at Covenant House. We ran to each other, embraced, then stood there a while catching up, sharing stories, laughing, and shaking our heads at where the time had gone. I recalled helping her give birth to her son and struggled to accept that he is turning 12 this year...After a while we parted but I continued to visit memories of her in my mind...Giving her a pregnancy test and telling her it was positive...going with her to court to drop the restraining order against her baby's father (who she is still with)...picking her up and carrying her down the street to keep her from fighting another girl...crazy times. But the positives also...getting her first job, avoiding further pregnancies, her first apartment, the way she always lifted my spirits.
About 4 years ago she'd come to Covenant House to pick up a document she'd had faxed to us. I had put the document on my desk among other papers. When she arrived, I handed her the document which she looked at briefly, then folded up and put away. After she left, I realized in horror that I'd mistakenly given her a form that I had filled out for a mortgage adjustment for Mark and I AND it contained all our personal information including my credit card numbers. In a panic, I called her and told her I needed the form back immediately. She came right over and handed it to me. I said, "Why didn't you tell me it wasn't the document you needed!?" She said, "I didn't really look at it...It said something about housing so I figured it was for me". I told her what I had given her AND what it contained and she gave me a knowing smile and said, "Well, it's a good thing you gave it to me because who know what would have happened it you'd given it to someone else". With that, I felt quite horrible that in the interim, I'd called the credit card company to cancel the card just in case...just in case what? Just in case she cancelled out years of good relationship to use my card number for something? Just in case her baby's father (who I have an equally good relationship with) found the paper and used the number?
I felt guilty for not trusting her...so much so that I polled other veteran staff who knew her and asked if they would have done the same thing. I got mixed answers...I was always taught not to trust the kids 100%...but I have also found that over the years and as relationships with them grow, it's harder NOT to. Yes, you never cross certain boundaries. But even within the last week I had 2 former students come and help out in our office where I left my purse completely accessible because I trusted them. Foolish? An affirmation to them that they were trusted? Hard to say but at the end of the day I still had my wallet...And if I had to leave the office I would remind them, "Ok--I'm trusting you in here by yourself," to which they would reply, "I got you, Ms. Jen".
Seeing Coco again reminded me how important building relationships with these young people are...and the importance of the covenant we make with them when they come to us...a covenant that sustains over the years and results in 2 woman yelling at each other and the street and hugging like crazy with mutual love.
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