Being "Fam"

Every week or so I go onto our Covenant House alumni Facebook page to see if there are any messages, acknowledge birthdays, and maybe post something. There are a few "kids" I might check in on, meaning I'll peek at their pages just to make sure they are alive and well but I usually don't read too much--you never know what you may see or read!

One of my usual check ins is "Touchstones" who I've written about before. He ran into some trouble last year and took a several month "vacation" in an out of state jail. I HATED writing numbers after his name again and it had been years since I'd written jail mail to anyone ("Chapters" was the last one). Still, it oddly was like we'd picked back up from his last incarceration which was several years before that; all my usual cheer, all his normal rants, hopes, schemes and dreams. (sigh)...Touchstones. 

PAUSE FOR A HISTORY LESSON! 23 years ago when I started working at the Cov it took me many months to understand the slang the youth used. Some of it was related to age/music, some of it was related to race/culture, and some of it, well, I think some of the kids just made stuff up. One of the phrases that took me a while to get was "people/peoples". "I need to go see my peoples", "You want to borrow $5? No way, Yo, you ain't my people!" "Yeah, she my people". "Javon? Nah-he ain't my people". "My peoples was down the ave". 

What I realized after a while was that to be a part of "peoples" was a good thing. To be someone's "people" was almost like saying they were your closest ally, your selected group, your inner circle. And the longer I heard it used the more I grew to respect it. 

So it was with great joy back in 2003? 2004? after supporting Touchstones during a multi-year stay in prison that I answered his weekly collect call and was met with, "What's good, People!?" I was now "people!" I felt like I'd reached a status I never thought I had a chance to be elevated to. 

FAST FORWARD BACK TO NOW. While "people/peoples" is still used (Chapters also referred to me as people one time when someone asked him who I was), "Fam" has become quite popular for the last decade or so as a replacement. To be "fam" is pretty much the same thing as being "people" but it can also refer to your family. I'll sometimes see the alumni post things like, "If you FAM give me a shout out!" to see if their closest folks will indeed, shout out. Or, "If you FAM, tell me what my favorite thing to eat is!" "If you FAM, let me borrow $200 to get my ride fixed!" Hmmm...a different level of closeness and tests of sorts=not "Ms. Jen" level. Which is fine because the older and wiser I am, the more I maintain strong boundaries with the kids and alums. 

Many months ago, Touchstones posted such a Fam post. He started it by saying "Family Roll Call" and asked people to hit the love button and say good morning if they were blood or not. "Let's see who's really fam!" It was neat to see how many people "Love"d him and responded with "Hey Fam!" which I'm sure gave him the response he was seeking and a nice boost. 

I don't like to comment on the alum's individual pages and I didn't think I belonged in the "fam" category anyway. "People" was good enough for me! I have a work cell number that I use for the kids so I sent him a text saying "I know I'm not fam" but I wished him a good morning and hoped he was doing well. He immediately responded with, "OF COURSE YOU ARE!!!" Aw...I am "fam" to him!

Touchstones knows I won't lend him $2 or $200-EVER. He also knows he will never know where I live, my personal cell phone number, if I'm having family difficulties, what social media channels I subscribe to, or how much I make a year. But he does know that if he gets locked up again (which I pray he won't!) he can reach out for support...he knows that I cared enough to attend his grandmother's funeral last year, and that at least once a month or so I'm gonna check in on him to make sure he's good. And if that makes me "fam", I'm good with that.