Touchtones Part 4

I was issued a work cell phone back in 2012 which I used for our YouthBuild program=a Samsung flip phone...the kind you had to hit a button 3 xs in order to get the letter you wanted to text to someone. I was able to keep it when the program closed in order to keep in touch with former youth and, when I ventured back into development work, to keep in touch with alumni. Over the years, it barely held a charge and died about 2 months ago. 

I was then given, through work, a Google Voice account=a number that I could use that was linked to my work email but could use through my personal cell without giving my personal cell number. My direct interactions with our alums are few are far between anymore, mostly via our alumni Facebook page, but still, there were a few "kids" (now in their 30's) that I kept in touch with regularly and so I gave the number out to a select few.

One was to Touchstones, the youth featured in my post back on 7/29?/12. He called out of the blue recently, "Just to touch base--you know how I do", and since I hadn't spoken with him in almost a year, we began to chat. 

Only, things weren't great. As I began to ask questions about this and that, truth of a currently wrecked situation came pouring out--anger, frustration, hopelessness, "fed-up-ness", confessions of drug use, despair--all of it--until he was in tears and crying. He is living in another state, in a less than ideal situation, feeling like his once dreamed life's goals will never--EVER--be achieved. 

I listened...I sighed...I listened some more...I said, "I'm so sorry to hear that" a few times. Truth is, I felt a bit helpless in that moment. For a brief second  I was 27 year old Ms. Jen, the one who visited him in prison once a month, who sent him fun cards to brighten his day, who made numerous phone calls on his behalf for whatever he needed from family because he didn't have money on his account, who would wait an hour plus for the collect call to come through the main switchboard so I could offer cherry words. But then a reality set in...What could I really do anymore?

At some point he calmed down..and said, "That was all I needed". Incredulous, I asked, "What?" He replied, "To be able to talk to someone who I know loves me and who will never judge me"...and then he went on to defer to humor, his way, his outlet. Yeah.

I texted him again a few days later, having read a post on Facebook that gave me concern (the drawbacks, at times, of being online and connected this way!) He called immediately and put my concerns at ease. We had a nice conversation, I gave my usual but sincere "Ms. Jen" cheer, and kept it moving. I've spent 18 years loving this "kid", caring for this "kid", fretting over this "kid"..and it never ends...and I'm okay 100% with that. Because if I, Ms. Jen, can be that one person who he knows he can reach out to ay any time and who will respond to him with non-judgement (but challenge!) and love, then I'm okay with that.

That doesn't mean I don't approve of some of his current lifestyle choices...that doesn't mean I endorse some of his less-than-appropriate decisions...but I listen...I give feedback and challenge...I love...same as any parent would, I believe, with an adult child they see heading in less than stellar directions...

My comfort? He called to "just touch base"...to connect with a place or person he knew would be safe...a Touchstone...praise God I'm still there, at Covenant House, to be able to be that for him.