Palm Sunday...1 week left until Easter, 6 days left in the Lenten season, first day of spring...
This new season (for me anyway) has been an interesting journey so far. I wasn't sure what to expect aside from a serious struggle with the self-denial piece, an area of which has not been as hard to battle as I thought it might be. Perhaps it wasn't an area in which I thought I was so enslaved...perhaps God's mercy in the chosen abstinence has been greater than I thought I deserved...perhaps a bit of both. There is still a noticeable "pull" from time to time, a very dull ache for the former routines I enjoyed. I ask myself if this abstinence will continue or was it just for Lent, a proof to myself that yes, I do love Jesus more than " ", that I can break from routine, that it wasn't a need or habit, just a "want". We shall see.
What has been more of a struggle, oddly, is my morning devotional time. What started off as a sprint towards deepening my faith during Lent and immersing myself with the various themes of God's favor (pleasing God, receiving God's blessing, etc.) has now slowed to a "what today?" as I thumb through a little Catholic devotional I picked up in the waiting room of a church 2 weeks ago and look up the Daily Bread on my phone. I spent the first several weeks digging, looking up, cross referencing, and mining for knowledge, insight, and Truth. I learned what curries God's favor upon our lives, what attitudes, actions, and practices result more often than not in His blessing, and how intermingled God's "pleasure", "blessing", and "delight" are among the scriptures. When I ran out of scriptures to look up on those themes, I did a week of "review", re-reading, re-writing...The one verse that spoke to me most was Exodus 33:13 which says:
"If You are pleased with me, teach me Your ways
so I may know You and continue to find favor with You".
"Know" here in Hebrew means, "to ascertain by seeing", "favor" and "pleased" means "grace". I like the cyclical-ness of this verse...the "if<then" logic. Favor=being taught God's ways=seeing Him at work/in my life/in the lives of others (heck, in ALL things!) and (in my thinking) acknowledging and praising that =continuing to find favor. That's been the major nugget I've uncovered during this season.
I feel like I've always aimed to do this but have tried to step it up a notch over the last few weeks. I can't say there have been more "grace moments" or being more aware of God's favor than before Ash Wednesday...nor do I expect there to be more or less following Easter Sunday. Yet I can't think there isn't more room to grow in the area. So on I strive, asking for eyes to see and a heart willing to learn and follow "His ways".
As I enter into Holy Week, there is a part of my heart that is more reverent than during, let's say, the week leading up to 4th of July or the middle week of September. This weeks means something...It's important, it's special, and in my opinion deserves to be revered. When I was little, it certainly meant something different...It was the week leading up to candy, finding Easter eggs, the cool Jesus movie they showed during children's church, a new dress, and the anticipation of at least 1 week of egg salad sandwiches on white bread. During high school it was Spring Break where I spent time in either Mexico or Mississippi on mission trips. In college, it was candy all over again, so immersed with church/Jesus/salvation 7 days at week at Liberty, Holy Week held little importance to me--what I wanted was chocolate, jelly beans, Peeps, and that glorious, giant butter cream egg in the center of it all. My early adult years were filled with work and hoping I could at least secure Good Friday off (sometimes yes, sometimes no) but that wasn't so I could go to church or do anything holy--it was so I could "Mom-is-coming" clean the house, as Mark and I hosted my parents and mother-in-law for Easter dinner each year, which required at least a 2 day cleaning frenzy (good grief).
As I've aged and grown in my faith, I've approached Holy Week with reverence in part of my heart that seems to get bigger each year. This year, perhaps since I've been committed to Lent, it has grown a bit more. I read each account of the triumphal entry this morning, imagining what it must have been like to actually be there to see Jesus riding into town, shouting, "Hosanna!" and waving a palm branch around as I caught glimpses of Him coming towards me and then, "There He is!" passing by. I actually felt a stirring of excitement as I pictured this and ruminated on it. Perhaps I will make it a point to place myself in the stories of Holy Week to gain a deeper understanding and reverence for these sacred days leading up to Easter...To see myself at the Last Supper, to watch from a distance Jesus praying in the garden and then be arrested, to follow behind Him as He staggered towards Golgatha.
For the first time, I plan on attending a Good Friday service between 12-3pm. I'm not sure if I will stay the whole time but I'm hoping to be inspired, challenged, and watered a bit more so that whatever was planted in me on Ash Wednesday will continue to fruition as Easter approaches. Yes, Mom is still coming for dinner...but I believe the corners of my heart, mind, and soul need cleaning and attention in preparation of the most important day in history more than the corners of my dining room and kitchen.
No comments:
Post a Comment