As I've grown older, hopefully more mature, and have eased through the last 17+ years of marriage, I have learned more and more very valuable lessons. Although this can be applied in various situations, I am learning it more and more when it come to my betrothed--you choose your attitude.
Mark nick named me "Stormy" at one point in our relationship, although I haven't heard it for years. My sunny disposition could cloud over in a heartbeat if I wasn't happy about something. I went through a period of time when the "dark clouds" would roll in and whatever negative feeling engulfed me I would choose to nurture and more often than not, a hurricane force attitude would ensue. Not good. Not a happy place to be.
I know quite clearly how I don't like to be and feel. I know that whenever I decide to anticipate an argument, unfavorable outcome, or crisis, I end up occupying a space that is both non-Christian and counterproductive to my well-being. When it comes to my marriage, I've tried--tried--very hard to overcome this.
Case in point: we have a new puppy. He demands a lot of attention. And time. And time. And attention. Something that, Queen Routine Me, isn't used to doing. I like(d) my structure, my routine, my time. But, a mutual decision was made and we brought this bundle of blond joy into our home. No regrets (yet!)
Mark recently started a new job--still at Borgata but a new restaurant--that has him home more until summertime when his shifts will change. That has given him A LOT more free time to which I am adjusting. A few weeks ago, he announced to me that he would be spending the night at his brothers house. They would be shooting darts, probably enjoying a lot of beer, and he didn't want to have to run the risk of driving home when he should not have been...so he was going to stay over. Didn't ask--just told me.
In that moment a few things went through my mind: How many times would Solomon get up during the night and interrupt my sleep? And...well, that was it, really. How badly would my time be interrupted because Mark wanted to be responsible?
The clouds of my former "Stormy" disposition were within sight...but in that moment the Spirit spoke very clearly to me. I had a choice. I could wish him well and know that he would be safe and I'd see him in the morning...maybe have a little less sleep due to multiple times getting up with the puppy...or I could let the clouds roll in, stomp my feet, raise a ruckus, be a perfect storm...
I said, "Fine", and wished him well. It was a struggle, I'll admit. Satan wanted me to take it to the "nth" degree, mull over the "Oh woe is me!" of it all. Rather, I asked the Lord for a peaceful night and that I only had to get up once (which happened, thank God!) Later I asked Mark if he'd felt some type of way about telling me he was leaving for the night ("Yes")
My point is I could have chosen to make that moment awful, combative, stormy...but I chose not to. The same way that yesterday, when Mark asked if I'd be mad if he spent the night at his brother's house after the Superbowl. My immediate response was, "No". I asked him about it this morning. "Why did you ask if I'd be mad?" He answered, "Because you're stuck here with the dog, etc." I could choose to be mad, I could choose to be resentful...but I won't. I just won't. I'd rather choose to be slightly sunny about these kinds of things. I believe that's what keeps a covenant of marriage whole.
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