Just about every year since 2005 I'd get a call from a former kid "checking in" as he'd say. We'd chat a few minutes and that would be it--no word until the next year. This consistent call came again about 2 weeks ago but it had a different ring to it--lengthier, more in-depth, more reflective on his part. He proudly talked about being in college now, the plans he had for his life, how he was feeling, and how far he'd come. At one point he said, "I want to thank you for all you've done for me--it's really made a difference". ???
Honestly, I barely remembered this kid. 2005 was a weird year, as I was working both in Program Development and Outreach. I had some direct care with kids but not alot and even though I was familiar with this young person, there was nothing that really stood out from my past memories. So I wasn't quite sure what "all you've done" meant. He was currently living near Camden so we agreed to meet this week so I could capture his story and take some pictures for an upcoming event.
We met at the McDonalds near the transportation center. Note to all: if you ever want a great people watching spot, I highly recommend this hot spot of all level of humanity. I didn't even mind the 15 minute wait to get a latte for me and 3 side salads for this kid because the viewing of families, prostitutes, and street folk was epic.
I recognized him more as we sat to chat...I confessed that I didn't really remember all the details about how he ended up with us way back when. He shared a truly terrible story of being born to a mentally ill mom from whom he was taken due to her inability to parent and placed with an aging grandmother who had also raised 15 older siblings. I asked about his father...he knew his name only and guessed at his origin. He spent years not being wanted by family members and eventually placed in foster care when his grandmother became too old and infirmed to care for him. Making the rounds of about 7 different group homes, he stated very matter of factly that he was raped repeatedly. "It's very common", he said. He also said that he'd experienced this among family members beginning at age 5. He was labeled a problem child and rejected at every turn. Ending up at Covenant House when he finally aged out of the system, he said it was the first bright spot he'd had along his journey. "It was the first real family I had".
Although he had several mental health diagnosis, I don't ever recall him being a problem (those kids usually stand out). He committed a crime while living with us and ended up in prison for a few years where we kept in touch barely (I remember seeing his jail mail when I cleaned out the attic last year). Since being released, he became a "self-studier", reading lots of self-help books and topics that interested him. He seemed pretty put together and peaceful. I was impressed.
He again thanked me for all my help...and I confessed, "I don't really remember anything specific I did for you". "You were kind", he declared. "You accepted me". That's it? I was kind?
That stayed with me a while...well, the rest of the week since I'm obviously writing about it today. "Kindness" is a fruit of the Spirit and one I try to cultivate as best I can but I know I wasn't really thinking about it back in 2005. Still, there must have been something in the way I spoke and acted towards this kid that resulted in him feeling the desire to check in with me (and 1 other staff) at the homeless shelter where he lived for la few months 9 years ago. In the New Testament, the most common use of "kind" has it's roots in the Greek word meaning, "to furnish what is needed". I love that...NOT that I'm some super counselor or Christian, but I have to believe that at that point in time on this kid's journey, I must have, through the fruit of the Spirit of God working through me, provided whatever was needed for this young man. If nothing else, I left with the challenge of wanting to keep cultivating kindness...who knows what other lives may be touched and changed. Looking back on our meeting, I wish I had talked more about how it was God working through me to be kind to him--this kid has a faith base after all and I didn't want this to be about me...Something to keep in mind for the future...
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