Equanimity

I like learning new words. Today for my quiet time I chose a devotional given to me years ago by a former boyfriend's mother by Kay Arthur titled "His Imprint, My Expression". In the front she wrote, "May His imprint upon your life through the study of His word and your walk in obedience to it forever be the expression of your life to the world around you". Pretty heavy challenge to a then 20 year old but each time I read it I am determined to live this out. There are various categories for study--"His Imprint of Faith", "His Imprint of Trust"...You read the devotion and then there is room at the bottom of the page for personal notes. I revisit certain devotions out of personal need at the time and it always amazes me what I wrote "then"--back in 1993, 1999, 2004, etc. and why I chose to read that particular blurb...and often it reminds me that what was sooooo critical at the time has now been moved to the "God saw me through that" category.
Presently, I am awaiting news...News that has the capacity to change my life (no, not medical, not pregnancy, not marriage). It is work related and, as my vain self often does, I think I know what the outcome will be. Honestly, it has not been a battle to resign myself to trust God with whatever the outcome is...Yet, waiting on this news (and thinking I know what the answer is) is akin to knowing that the doc is going to tell you, "Yes, you do have Houstingenisusitis and you have 5 months to live...When 5 months arrives, I may have a cure for you, I may not--you'll have to wait and see". THAT is what I am going through.
I have trusted the Lord through this, I am not scared or worried or waking up in the middle of the night trying to silence the "what if's"...Yet as I paged through the devotional this morning, I settled on the "When You Are Worried or Anxious" chapter, just because. Re-reading this was like visiting a familiar friend (as in earlier years I would become anxious over various trials). Much of the text has been underlined, starred (*), but a few things jumped out this go around like neon reminders to carry me through until "the news" is declared:
Philippians 4:4-"REJOICE in the Lord always;again I will say, rejoice!" Kay writes, "Here is a command that if obeyed will bring victory and peace in the midst of any situation. Why? Because the minute you begin rejoicing, your circumstances cease to control you and you find yourself living above your circumstances as more than a conqueror". YES! But here's more: "It is crucial to understand, however, that the command to rejoice does not mean rejoicing in your circumstances; it means rejoicing in your Savior who is Lord over every circumstance of life. You could not be in the predicament you are in without the Lord's foreknowledge".
I already knew/know this but it was a great reminder. I kept reading, feeling uplifted by this little Philipian nugget to strengthen me on the journey...Then I came across a morsel I hadn't chosen to chew on the umpteen times I'd read this blurb before--Philippians 4:5--"Let your forbearing spirit be known to all men; the Lord is near". Kay writes regarding this verse, "The word translated 'forbearing' comes from a Greek word difficult to put into English. Some scholars say it could be translated 'sweet reasonableness', for it refers to a spirit that doesn't get ruffled and react. In other words, it's an equanimity of spirit that is not affected by circumstances". Equanimity!? I grabbed Webster's (placed strategically beside my Bible for such times as these!)="Evenness of mind, especially under stress". Yes! But what a challenging command in Philippians 4:5!? I am to make this "equanimitable" spirit known to all men as I go through this trial? Why, yes, Jennifer--you are!
Which is why I chose to write about this today...I have no idea what the future holds. When I finally hear "the news" (which will likely be Monday), the Lord won't be any less Sovereign, any less faithful, or any less good. I can and will REJOICE because He is and will continue to be above any circumstance in my life. While this news may shake others to the core and result in panic and pain, I will maintain equanimity...because I knowthatIknowthatIknow that everything He allows into AND out of my life is for my good and my growth.