Shaken...?

What shakes you? What things rock your foundation? What causes you to unravel? What situations result in you becoming completely "undone"?

A few weeks ago during our Mental Toughness "boot camp", the theme of the day was "Fear". We were in small groups and we had to share 3 things we fear. I like to think that I don't tend to worry about or fear anything...My mindset has been (through a growth of faith over the last few years) that anything that comes my way is ordered by God, so I know I can handle it. Still, I was able to come up with 3 things that do/have/ or would shake me: getting pregnant, getting fat, and a smear on my integrity.

Rewind to a few summers back...I was at a golf tournament and was checking my voice mail at work remotely. There was a message from a young woman who used to be a client at Covenant House. Her baby's father was currently incarcerated and, in my typical fashion, I'd kept in touch with him for support. She had not known this until recently. He had apparently sent her some letters I'd written to him to prove that my involvement with him was on a professional level. She did not believe this and her message stated as much, threats included.

Panic is the only thing that can come close to describing how I felt. Mind racing, body shaking, "how can I prove that this is nothing",...My integrity at work (and out of work) is something I value and fight fiercely to preserve...yet this one person decided it was in question and was threatening to smear it. For the next 3 hours, until I could get in touch with her, all I could do was pray, to return to every scripture I know about God being a Rock, that He knew this would happen TODAY, that He had permitted this for my good and my growth, that there was purpose in it. I finally got in touch w/ the young woman and her suspicions were alleviated...we ended up having a nice conversation and ended our talk peacefully. There were repercussions from that day on the work end and my reputation wasn't so much smeared as held a bit closer to the magnifying glass which, to this day, still rattles me from time to time.

That may seem like a small thing...but it was big to me. Maybe what shakes you are the all-over-life-changing things...News of a death, a diagnosis, accident, loss of a job, etc. A few months ago I posted a link to a video by Kerri Roberts...I listen to this song for strength in anticipation that, one day, I will get "news" that has the potential to shake me...but I am determined that because of what I knowthatIknowthatIknowthatIknow, it will not. May those of you who read this and may have recently been "shaken" take comfort...

"I’m running back to your promises one more time

Lord that’s all I can hold on to

I gotta say this has taken me by surprise

but nothing surprises you

Before a heartache can ever touch my life

it has to go through Your hands

and even though I, keep asking why

No matter what, I’m gonna love You

no matter what I’m gonna need You

I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not

if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what, no matter what"