In 9 hours and 15 minutes, this year will be behind us. Words on my "I refuse to say these words" list now include "unprecedented", "pivot", "galvanize", and "wheelhouse". When we began 2020 I had made a list of goals (NOT resolutions) for the year I wanted to achieve. The only thing I actually accomplished was being a grownup and finally--FINALLY--, after 23 years of marriage, getting a will and living will signed and placed safely in a fireproof lockbox, a process we began in January and finalized earlier this month...because, well, COVD.
There were no high expectations for the year other than I'd hoped it would be relatively uneventful and stay consistent=same patterns, same routines, few drastic ups and down, more yays than boos as my Pop liked to say. During an episode of Good Morning America in late January a report talked about coronavirus in relation to the cruise ship (I think?). I remember thinking to myself, "This is going to spread around the country", and thought to keep an eye on it. As the story continued to move up the order of reporting each day, I thought I should mention it to someone at work. In mid-February one of our Associate Executive Directors was down in AC and I asked if the virus was on anyone's radar. It "kinda was" at the time but not really. I suggested that it should be. A few weeks later, well, you know what happened.
Not that everything that happened this year has happened because of COVID or even close. LIFE continued to happen. Some of it just looked really different. As a planner, dogmatic routine person, and die hard creature of habit, this has not been fun. In fact, much of it has been really really hard.
My faith was never lost or questioned. Trust never--EVER--waivered. Not once. If anything, my relationship with the Lord has deepened to a level it may not have otherwise, and for that alone, it has been worth it. A few highlights from the year.
I was asked to help cover shifts early in the pandemic as we had to figure out how to keep kids and staff safe, develop protocols, social distance, etc. Some staff opted to not come in due to varying issues, so I got to be "Ms. Jen" again. It took some time to figure out a whole new set of operating procedures that had changed since I was a youth advisor circa 1997-2001 AND try to implement COVID guidelines which seemed to change every few weeks but eventually I was able to do some good (I hope!).
In-person church was on pause for months. Groups of us did come in to record songs in a socially distanced setting to play during recorded services but beginning in June (I think?) we began outdoor worship services. Not ideal and often very hot but I sweat for Jesus and did my part.
We had rounds of testing at our sites. By the grace of God, we did not have any youth or staff test positive until September.
Solomon had double elbow surgery in February to repair something I can't even remember in one elbow and address a similar issue in the other. It had a 60% chance of working. It didn't. He still limps.
There were lots of folks that wanted to help in some way. We had to suspend all in-person volunteering but we made do with virtual visits and encouraging people to donate meals. It helped lift spirits (and still does!)
Mark was out of work for about 4 months while casinos were closed. He grew a beard, cooked a lot, watched a lot of TV, and tried to stay out of my way as I was regulated to work from home. There was a lot of grace given as we now had to navigate being together all the time and what that looked like in regards to schedules, expectations, who was going to watch the downstairs TV versus upstairs, etc. A few prickly moments but we kept the lines of communication wide open, gave each other space, and status checked often.
Hurricane Isaias decided to teach Mark and me about our Homeowners Insurance policy we'd never had to look at before in the 16 years we've lived in this house. Thankfully, aside from needing one side of new fence, there was not more damage and we now know how to navigate that process.
In September Solomon, in a full boar running lap around the yard following a bath, tore his "ACL" and needed surgery. He now limps on that leg too. Great. I continue to be a strong advocate for pet insurance because had we not had it this year, this post may have looked very different.
I worked more with my North Jersey colleagues via Zoom than I ever did in person over the last 7 years I've been in the development department (again). It did help deepen relationships but also presented new challenges.
Saving money became more of a "thing" so we cooked for date nights and put restaurants on "pause" except for our anniversary. I only ate out twice this year, once in January and once in October...and I'm fine with that.
Our Sleep Out fundraisers continued, albeit virtually. Our team raised more money this year than in all previous years--it was quite incredible. All glory to God for that. Our Atlantic City Sleep Out ended up at $177K...
I relished in Christmas being "canceled" in a way=no in-person gatherings, no massive gift buying, no groups coming to the site, etc.=easier, quieter, no-frills...
Life still happened...Mark's truck was in and out of the shop multiple times for various repairs=$$$...all that "no going out" extra money came in handy. Then this happened last week=more $$$...all that extra "no-Christmas-gift-buying" came in handy.
As I was studying about expectations last week I came across a verse I know I've read before but it now has taken on a whole new meaning: Psalm 62:5-“My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.” How awesome is that? If my expectation is only ever from God--what He decides about the outcome of a situation, how He chooses to orchestrate and provide an answer to prayer, etc. my level of disappointment can be better managed (or should!) because I knowthatIknowthatIknowthatIknow I can trust HIS perfect decisions. This has not been and is not easy to do. We build up our hopes around events, prayer requests, timelines, hopes, and dreams for the future, etc. When they are not realized it can be devastating, depressing, even despairing.
I'm going to chose not to live that way as best I can and to have this verse be one I cling to going into this new year. What a way to help deepen our faith and trust in our God who LOVES us and allows everything that comes into and out of our lives for our good and growth. Why not choose an expectation that will have a zero failure rate?
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