This is a picture of Mark and me that my dad took in 1976 when we were 3 years old. I pulled it out recently so I could put it (the original) in my bag of important papers, not wanting to ever lose it. Mark was my first friend that I can remember. We lived in an apartment complex on the campus of West Chester University that was probably filled with single or married students and maybe a few older folks. I don't recall any kids my age or ever playing with anyone in our neighborhood. I do remember playing with "Mark Bernard" and looking forward to going down the shore. His family lived next door to my grandparents so seeing him was convenient. We'd always trade bikes--I preferred his Big Wheel and he preferred my tri-cycle.
Here is us at 13 at a Night in Venice party given by his parents. My grandparents had since sold their house next to his family but rented for many years (even across the street!) so we continued seeing each other as friends. By the time this picture was taken, we'd lost contact for about 4 years. We began dating immediately upon reuniting and did so for the next 2 summers. He was my first real date. I remember that "pit of butterflies in your stomach" feeling whenever I knew I was going to see him and the awkwardness of trying to figure out young relationships. We'd written a few letters over the winter months (I still have a few of his!) but didn't exchange phone calls (long distance=$$$). At the end of the summer of 1987 I decided I didn't want to see him anymore and we let the relationship fizzle.
Fast forward to spring 1996 when I spotted him serving Easter dinner at the Crab Trap in Somers Point and thought he was rather good lookin! I pursued him, even though he had a girlfriend, and she was soon history. Those initial months were a whirl of trying to spend as much time with his as possible. I even remember making excuses to leave my job early and get out of case assignments so I could go down to Ocean City to see him. We'd call each other during the week and eventually I quit my job and spent much of that first summer living at my grandparent's house and seeing Mark. 4 months after we started dating we were engaged and the picture above was taken moments after I accepted his ring.
And here we are, married 23 years this year. The thing I find so interesting (and really cool) is that after all these years, I'm still finding things out about him I didn't know. A couple of weeks ago they were talking on the radio about your top movies that when you happen upon them on TV you HAVE to watch them. I guessed Mark's top 3 and only got 1. He guessed none of mine but his guesses were pretty close. But I loved discovering this new thing about him. A few days later I was fooling around with the dog and he said, "It's all fun and games till somebody loses an ojo". Ojo is Spanish for eye. I knew that, but I knew Mark had taken French in school. So I looked at him and said, "Ok--where did that come from?" and he recalled a story about a woman he had worked with who used to say it often (who knew!?) Again, discovering new things...
First love...and hopefully last love! Even though the red hot passions of young love have cooled a bit, the commitment is strong. We're in it for better or worse.
Last January I came upon a song by Bethel called "Closer". The lyrics are below:
"Your love has ravished my heart and taken me over
And all I want is to be with You forever
So pull me a little closer, take me a little deeper
I want to know Your heart
Cause Your love is so much sweeter than anything I've tasted
I want to know Your heart"
I meditated on this song for months as it convicted my spirit a bit. When was the last time I felt this way about Jesus? I thought about my years with Mark and how out of the way and intentional I was during our dating years to know him, to be with him, to dig into him and discover all kinds of things because I wanted to KNOW him. But when was the last time I pursued Jesus with the same intentionality? Yes, we meet daily, we talk daily, I study and dig into the Word so I can know Him more...but could I say that I allow His love for me to take me over? That He is my first love?
Revelation 2:4 speaks of this of the church at Ephesus: "I have this against you; you have left your first love". There have been a few periods of time over the years when Jesus and I were not as close as we are today but guess who moved? I let the words of this song pour over me last year, rearrange some things, and become almost alive as I stepped my pursuit of Jesus up a few notches.
I want Jesus to be my first love...I NEED Jesus to be my first love. Always. The cool thing is that even though my love for Him may cool a bit at times or become distracted, His love for me NEVER changes. And He will never love me more than He does right now in this moment. And, further, even though I will have an exhaustive amount of things to continue to learn about Him, He already knows everything about me AND pursues me still. What a great truth.
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