Lent 2017

The season of Lent will be upon us this week. I had every intention of attending an Ash Wednesday service as I did last year and kept my calendar clear until this past Friday when opportunity after opportunity presented itself and the only day I had to schedule meetings and tours was, well, Wednesday. I'm contemplating lighting the end of a cork and crossing myself before heading out the door just because...we shall see.

For the last few months I've been searching my heart and, honestly, half-heartedly asking the Lord what I should "give up" for Lent this year. Recalling last year's abstinence, as tough as it was at times, I realize that "fasting" in any form is easy for me...so is it really a sacrifice? Bad habits aside, which I'm quite certain I could abstain from for a mere 40+ days, what would this prove at all? Nothing seemed to be jumping out or weighing heavily on my heart...

I considered the inclusion of something, as I did last year with the jail ministry group (which I gave a good 6+ months of dedication to but it went nowhere) but never landed on something I felt would be both a sacrifice and a means of growth.

All this changed last Sunday. The current sermon series at our church is entitled, "Triggered", and is focused on anger. When the service began I kind of "ho hummed" at it all, as I consider myself pretty level headed and don't tend to lose my temper. Still, I listened, hoping to gain something. 

I don't always agree with everything our pastor says and I believe this is okay. 99% of the time I believe he is spot on and trust that the Lord is leading his teaching of our humble flock. But this past Sunday he made a statement that gave me pause. He challenged us with Ephesians 4:26-"Be angry and do not sin", asking if this was even possible, furthering, if I understood him correctly, that it was probably quite impossible and thus, anger was a sin. Huh?

"But Jesus got angry", you will say. Yes, but He was God...and so in His anger, He could not sin. "But there is 'righteous anger'", you will say. But the Bible teaches that, "There is none that is righteous; no not one" (Romans 3:10), meaning that you may THINK your anger is "righteous" but the only truly righteous person was Christ--not us. This got my attention.

I furiously scribbled notes--ones that are in the car presently as I write this and don't feel like getting, so I'll save that for another time--but upon leaving I contemplated "me". What does get me fired up? What are those things that trigger an angry response? Having my reputation/integrity questioned, for sure, or being lied on. People that take advantage of "the system"...When X does X...But is that anger? Or being irritated? Frustrated? Annoyed? Is all that "out" also?

So heavy was this on my heart that I deflected from my current morning devotional study (word study of "remember") and dove head first into this idea of anger, slander, unwholesome talk, complaining, etc.) I asked the Lord to help curb my tongue regarding talking about other people or co-signing someone else's perceived grievances against another...and it was almost ridiculous the number of opportunities that presented themselves as a challenge to this resolution within this last week. Some I overcame...some, sadly, I did not. 

I became more mindful  of how I spoke about people, what my spirit was feeling when a surge of (annoyance? frustration? anger?) reared it's head...choosing words carefully as I spoke, emailed, and expressed my emotions in body language and facial cues. I was brought down time after time. ME. 

My morning devotions took a decisive turn as I began to dissect verses about talking, complaining, being frustrated, venting, etc. I read articles about, "Should Christians Vent?" which has always been my justification to spew forth festering frustrations and annoyances about people, issues, situations, etc. Opinions varied but the conclusion was a definitive, "No!"

I won't reveal right now all I've learned over this last week (it will come!)...but back to Lent 2017, I will tell you this. I have felt a solid confirmation in my heart that this season of Lent should be dedicated to cultivating a new habit of taming my tongue, my face, my body language, and assigning any thoughts.feelings that can be associated under the umbrella of "anger" to the Lord to deal with. My prayer is that as I move through this season, I can begin to be more aware of my feelings, thoughts, and resulting actions (words, facial expressions, body language-heck-even things I type!) so that they are ministers of grace, seasoned with salt, making others thirsty for Christ,

So what am I giving up? There are a few go-to people at my workplace with whom I can "vent" about XYZ (persons, situation, circumstance)...do those venting sessions point them to Christ? No...I can watch a news story about illegal immigration and "feel" like I want to add bricks to the wall but is that a Christ-like response? Probably not...

This feels big...it feels huge and very challenging to what others have come to know as "Jen" but also that horribly "human" side of me that still exists...yet, here it is. My hope and prayer is that by Easter, I've at least come further in taming my thoughts/words/actions than I have in the last week (yes, there were some victories!) and that after 40+ days, a habit of looking more like Jesus in my responses to times of frustration, agitation, anger, etc. will be prominent (to the befuddlement of those around me).