I've never "done Lent". Oddly, as someone that thrives on self-denial, at least in the unhealthy aspect of my diet, I almost find it remarkable that I've not disciplined myself to embrace this season until this year. I considered it last year, yes, but never took the plunge. Maybe I'm too selfish and don't want to give up anything...Maybe I never considered how much more enriched my spiritual life and relationship with God could be. Eh...
For the last few weeks I've been chatting with God about "what to do for Lent". As I was researching new churches for work, I came across a church newsletter that began with the following:
"Lent is a season of 40 days not counting Sundays. During Lent members of the church are invited to observe the disciplines of self-denial, devout prayer, confession of our sins, fasting, and renewing of our baptism/confirmation covenant. During Lent we are to focus on Christ more fully in order to appreciate more the power of His death and resurrection. In order to identify with Christ's suffering and death, Christians are invited to do with out some things they are perfectly capable of having or take on some things they are just as capable of avoiding. The word "Lent" comes from an English word associated with the lengthening of days and describing spring. This is not just a reference to the crocuses pushing their way out of the ground in the season before Easter, but also the greening of the human soul, pruned by repentance, fertilized with self-denial, spiritualized with self-reflection, and mulched with prayer".
I read and re-read this a few times until I was 100% sure that yes, I was indeed going to "do Lent" this year. The question I was struggling with was how?
I already confirmed that there was an early morning Mass at a Catholic church close to me where I can attend and get ashes. I've never done this (ashes) but I want "the mark" this year. It's my only chance for a "uniform" of sorts, at least for one day. Thankfully, many Protestant churches have Ash Wednesday services also, so I don't think it would necessarily make everyone think I was Catholic, although I really couldn't care less what people think. At least it would be an outward sign that I went and be a bit of humiliation for me for the day (who is going to act in an ungodly way with ashes on their forehead? NOT ME!)
Then there was/is the question of "self-denial"...??? I am a creature of habit, which I think is the soft way of saying that I am, in many ways, a slave to routine. I have my rituals, my schedule, my comforts and ways of doing things that keeps me calm, predictable, and, in my mind, on an even keel. I would never declare that this is always a good thing, as I tend to be quite rigid and get thrown WAY off course with anything spontaneous. So I started to consider what I could "give up" for 40 days, not counting Sundays, (and what does that even mean? That I can go back to what I gave up on Sundays???) that would cause the least bit of disturbance to my carefully lived life.
And, of course, I got "the nudge". Shouldn't it be a sacrifice? Something that hurt a bit to draw me closer to Christ? Good grief, if the point is to "appreciate more His death and resurrection" shouldn't it be something worth struggling with/for?
I considered my life...What could I give up that would draw me closer to Christ? Wearing makeup & plucking my face everyday=a slam at personal vanity...Exercise=a challenge again at personal vanity and something to which I am, I'll admit, enslaved...Facebook=something I do deny myself for the consideration of good time management=not quite a sacrifice...Spending money on dumb stuff (scented candles, a new lipstick, etc), but I've done this during "famine" times over the years, so not such a hurt...Alcohol? Other habits that others might frown upon? My whole life schedule=make myself volunteer at some non-profit or at church every available night or go to church in the evenings when I'm not working? Meat?
God and I had a little chat the other morning...and we came to a conclusion as to what HE wanted me to "give up". I struggled with this, majorly, but I also embraced it. As I look to February 10th, Ash Wednesday, and the 40 days following, my prayer is that I can say I love Jesus more than ___ and stick to this commitment of self-denial in order to prove my faith, my love, my gratitude for what Jesus did for me on the cross. Each time I revisited ___ and asked, "Really?" I got the clear message of, "Do you love Me more than ___?" And yes, shouldn't I love Christ more than anything? More than exercise? More than Facebook? More than my rituals? More than anything this world affords today?
"I'd rather have Jesus" will be my refrain as I anticipate the struggle, the thoughts planted in my head, the situations that will say, "He'll still love you! It's okay to fail! Go ahead!" I am praying that come Easter morning, my soul will be more green, pruned by repentance, fertilized with self-denial, spiritualized with self-reflection, and mulched with prayer".
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