I always thought crossing oneself was a "Catholic thing". It looked weird to me, rote, something you "had to do". It outwardly identified those that we different from me when in a crowd a prayer would be offered (Covenant House or wherever). I remember one time at work we were having a service of some kind and the doorbell rang. One of our kids came through the door and suddenly saw that we were having "something different", likely a mass or holiday service, and she quickly crossed herself. That got me at the time--for whatever reason, she recognized that the atmosphere or even just the occasion in the typical "hang out" lounge had changed or had been repurposed and that repurpose, in her mind, called for an acknowledgement of the sacred or holy...so she crossed herself. Knowing this young lady well, I was humbled by this simple act.
The more I hang out and work with Father Steve, the more I learn about all kinds of things. Over the last few months I noticed that he crosses himself often, not just in prayer but at other times, even in the middle of conversation. Recently I asked him about this.
"Why do you cross yourself if you're not Catholic?" Simply, he stated, "It's a private prayer between you and God". He showed me on his hands how the pinky and ring finger fold down to indicate the 2 natures of Christ (fully God and fully man) and that the other 3 fingers come together to indicate the Trinity. Sometimes you'll see the middle finger folded down (you see this in iconology) to indicate bowing or reverence, if I understood correctly. Then he explained the head, heart touches (loving God with all your mind, heart) and then touching the right to left shoulders (and strength) which is the reverse direction of what the Catholics do. In the olden times, similar to a stranger making half the fish sign in the dirt to see if one he met along the way was a believer, Christians used to cross themselves halfway when they met someone new to see if the other person would make the other half of the cross.
So much in such a small act...but it intrigued me. I've begun to do this as part of my prayer time and before I start reading the Word, mores to center myself, add a bit more reverence to what I'm about to do...At home it's one thing. When I went to church last Sunday it was another.
Now, this is not a criticism. I like my church...what I found though that I hadn't noticed before was that we tend to rush into prayer. I only noticed this because each time one of the pastors said we were going to pray (during worship, before the sermon, after the sermon, before the offering) they barely had the, "Let's pray", out of their mouths before beginning and I had only hit my sternum in the midst of crossing myself. It kinda gave me pause...like, "Hang on! We're about to talk with God Almighty and I want to get in the correct frame of mind for this!" It was different...When the prayers were over, you're "supposed to" cross yourself again, and I found myself wondering what the folks around me were thinking, not caring, but just wondering.
Even though I'm not Orthodox (although Father Steve may argue this...) I find myself drawn to many of the practices. In my quest and hunger for spiritual development and growth, I'll likely continue to add things here and there. Crossing myself...why not? If it helps me to focus better and gives a physical reminder of Christ and how to love Him, why not? Or perhaps I'm drawn to the fact that, instead of the uniform I long to have to indicate to the world that I'm a believer (from the Devout post), crossing myself, especially in public places, would at least be an outward sign that I'm a practicing "something". And if someone asks if I'm Catholic, I can say no but then explain why I choose to cross myself...and that can lead to a sharing of my faith (evangelism not being a strong gift of mine, at least in bold practice--something else I know I need to work on). Even though it still feels a bit awkward (I've only been doing this for a couple of weeks), my hope is that it becomes a natural expression of my love for the Lord, of my intention to get my mind right before entering into prayer or reading, and of whatever else may come...just like that young lady years ago who sensed the "holy and sacred space" of our service and had an immediate response...
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