As I've grown in my faith (which still has a loooong way to go), I've come to realize more and more that Satan's best way to "get me" is to attack my mind…to plant a thought, an idea, a question or doubt…and then coax me to nurture it, massage it, cultivate it into something more that has no reason to be there except to disarm me and distract me from the Truth of God. My brother, a few years ago, introduced me to the concept and referred to this as allowing something to "rent space in your head". Thankfully, I can usually recognize this, especially in my most vulnerable areas (weight, food, exercise) but I still get hung up at times. One area I've tried especially hard to evict unwanted renters from is what other people think.
Someone recently shared with me a great quote: "The greatest prison people live in, is the fear of what other people think". Stop and read that again. Although for me this usually has related to what people think about how I look, over the years it's also been linked to job performance, the state of cleanliness of my house, whether or not I show up for an event, or the quality of Christmas gift I give.
I have an acquaintance from high school that I'm friends with on Facebook who regularly states negative things about fat woman with no apologies. In short, he writes boldly what I (falsely?) believe everyone else is thinking…and part of it must be true in a sense because he does think it. Although his statements don't apply to me (anymore) they do keep me in check, just a bit because I would never want them to apply to me. Weight issues aside, I've tried not to be so vain with my outward appearance as the years have progressed. Yes, I use the night creams and a little makeup and try not to look too outdated, but I don't take myself too seriously. Case in point--I went to the food store yesterday, post-gym workout=no makeup, bandanna on my head, sweaty clothes, about 4 days worth of chinny chin and eyebrow growth. I didn't have a care in the world about it, even when I ran into a family member who took a second or two to recognize me. Heck, I may even end up on a "People of Walmart" page someday (although I don't hunk I look as disastrous as some of those folks!) So do I allow thoughts of, "Look at that lady with no makeup!" or "She looks so frumpy!" or "How could anyone leave the house looking like that?" to rent space? Nope…
Years ago I went to see a therapist for some help with a few issues and she taught me the art of, "So what?" I had a real bad period of "shoulding" on myself--I should do this, I should do that, not because I wanted to or even because it was expected but because I was imprisoned by what other people may think if I didn't do thus and such. I remember "what if"ing this poor lady about attending a minor event related to family that I just didn't want to go to that evening.
Therapist: Do you want to go?
Me: No, I really don't.
Therapist: Then don't.
Me: But I already RSVP'd. I can't not go.
Therpaist: So what?
Me: So they're expecting me. I already said I'd be there. What if they get upset?
Therapist: So what?
Me: So what if I don't show up? Maybe they'll get mad and talk about me.
Therapist: (pause) So what? Do you really think that will happen?
Me: It might…What if it does?...Probably not, now that I think about it.
Therapist: And if it does, so what? Will they still love you? Will it destroy your relationships? Will you never be invited to anything again?
Me: No…
Therapist: And if they do talk about you, so what? That's their problem.
I didn't go…and if anyone said boo about it, I never knew and it never made a dent in anything else henceforth. It was a valuable lesson and one I've tried to continue to employ but carefully, not wanting to just say, "To heck with it!" and never take people's feelings into consideration. But it has freed me in a way…I used to send out Christmas cards each year until I was just sick of it and it brought me no pleasure. So I stopped. People still send me cards but I do not reciprocate. And I don't feel bad about it. And no one has called or emailed so pulled me aside to say in a disappointed voice, "You know, Jen, I've sent you a Christmas card every year since you were married and it really hurts my feelings that you don't send us a card anymore". I've learned to say "no" to attending each and every work related event, especially if it won't help further our funding. I don't obsess over the quality of gifts I give (but do try to be thoughtful about it) whether or not I attend every family function on either side, or if the flyer I just created for a work event is perfectly perfect (although I will allow other eyes to see it first).
I am still a work in progress in all this though…I spent 3+ hours cleaning the other day because a family member would be stopping by. Mark marveled, "All this because so-n-so will be here for 5 minutes?" My push back, "Well, it needs to be done anyway," was the outward answer. The inward renter added, "You don't want them to think you don't know how to keep a house" "You don't want them to think you're dirty/sloppy/lazy"…Yeah…still a work in progress.
I once talked through this with a former minister who was helping me through some things. I recall so clearly when he looked at me flatly and declared, "You are not that important", meaning, everyone in the world--or even most people close to me-- aren't wasting their time thinking about me and my "shoulds". And if they are, so what???
Taking thoughts captive isn't easy. I looked around for a commentary on this verse and was linked to all kinds of articles about mind warfare. The part of the verse that jumped out at me today was "against the knowledge of God". What do I know about God? He's good, just, loving, merciful, forgiving, compassionate, powerful, etc. So when a thought decides to rent space in my head, I need to seize it and measure it up against the knowledge I have about God…then turn it over to Him. Not an easy thing. But I do know that God is standing by with eviction notices for unwanted renters.
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