I'm usually so good at remembering this date!? On a whim this afternoon I picked up a journal from 1997 and decided to see what I was doing 16 years ago today=my first day of work at Covenant House…so, Happy Anniversary to me for completing 16 years!
This time last year I posted about that first day and the first few months of my journey. As I look back now over the last 16 years, I still get floored at how much "other stuff" has accompanied me along the way in my life "outside of work"…The weddings, funerals, trips, birthdays, holidays, moving (twice!), getting a dog and 2 kittens, acquiring "things", me still shopping for a bargain at the Good Will, growth, set backs, and constants…I have tried very hard to keep work and life-outside-of-work separate…There have been a few "world collide" moments over the years…When Mark came after his interview at Borgata to report how it had gone (I think that's the only time he's ever been at Covenant House, to my recollection…) Mom and Aunt Sandi coming to serve at our Thanksgiving dinner (2 years, I think) and attending our Night of Broadway Stars event (Mark was there too 1 year, maybe 2). Running into kids at the mall, at church, in a restaurant, and most recently seeing them on the boardwalk as I sat with Mom and my nieces at Miss America. Very weird…"this" doesn't belong with "that"...
I've shared my outside-of-work journey with very few people along the way consistently. Social work in general is not easy and, as a non-profit, we don't pay a lot so few folks stay for the long run. But I'm so thankful that I have at least 4 constants who have been there for every event along the way. And as "you-are-work" as I place these folks, there is still a deep feeling of "family" if you will. I can share stuff, there is an understanding about certain areas of my life, an acknowledgement of "This is Jen" in certain things that isn't a "work thing", if that makes sense.
As I read that journal entry from 16 years ago, lamenting, as a new bride would, that I hadn't seen Mark all day, and including current dramas that are still present today ("I weighed 1_5!? Horrors!"), I am SO GLAD that as a part of this Covenant House journey, I've learned things that have helped me to be better (or so I hope!) on the "not work" side. I believe I have become a better listener, I have learned to "seek first to understand rather than be understood" (thank you, Steven Covey), my capacity for compassion for "the least of these" and the LEAST OF "the least of these" (hard core criminals) has increased beyond what my narrow mind and heart could hold back in 1997…I have learned that people have their own gifts and even though they don't mesh with mine or my idea of what they should be, they are wonderful in their own unique way…I have learned that people often just want to be heard and validated for how they feel…and that feelings are neither right or wrong--they are just how you feel (emotions, I mean). I have learned that parents can do horrendous damage to their children, whether present or absent…and that wounds inflicted in childhood are very VERY hard to heal…but can be done. I have learned that kids (or people in general) who yell and scream and call me terrible names aren't usually mad at ME…so I let them dump--I have the strength to take it all and let it wash over me if they need to just get it out. I have learned that sending that birthday card or holiday greeting to a kid in jail is worth more than gold…so I try to replicate that to other non-work people. I have learned that I don't have to have the answer…to just sit and listen and say, "That really stinks and I'm sorry you are going through that/I'm sorry that happened to you" is enough. I have learned (and believe fully) that I may not like what people do or agree with the choices they make, but everyone deserves to be treated with respect, honor, and, because I am a Christian, love.
So, Happy Anniversary, Miss Jen! God willing, there will be many more to come!
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