As I enter the last full week of my 30's, I'm reflective...40 always seemed like this big, looming cloud of doom...I'd be old, look old, act old, be one of those boring, too busy adults my younger self did not want to become...40. Urgh...
The above picture was taken on my 30th birthday. My hair is darker, I'm about 12 pounds heavier than I am now, and I wore that same skirt last week.
My 30's were an interesting decade. I remember thinking time and again that this was the last decade/age-range to be "young"...cause you aren't young in your 40's. 40's is mid-life, if you're lucky. I look at my 30 year old self in that picture and think of all that is to come within the next 10 years...the loss of my beloved father and mother-in-law, 2 grandparents, a nephew, a sister-in-law, a niece and nephew's child...but with the bitter comes the sweet...10 marriages to celebrate, 18 births...We bought our first home, went on 2 cruises...I was blessed to be able to see many major cities across the US (Chicago, Houston, Atlanta, New Orleans, Denver, St. Louis, to name a few)...I went skydiving and snorkeling, I was in Godspell, I slept in a box in the cold to raise awareness for the kids I love so much...
I saw The Police, Van Halen, Sarah Groves, and Twila Paris (twice). I had a $98 steak, switched positions at work 6 times, gained and lost the same 20 pounds that've been hanging around since my 20's (some things never change!). I maintained decent health, increased my skin cancer chances by a million percent with long-no-sunscreen lounges on the beach and deck, read countless books, ate octopus, acquired "things" I never thought I'd have (Temperpedic mattress, 2 large flat screen TVs, motorcycle, ipod, iphone, laptop, fancy camera, $13 lipstick, a dog, 2 more cats)...I started using night wrinkle cream and bleaching my upper lip, ran more, slept more, and socialized less as the decade progressed. I sat in the stands at Dover Downs and watched race cars go around and around and around...several times. I mourned the loss of a kid, shot 11 times, who was so precious to me I thought my heart would break in pieces...celebrated many of the Cov kid's wins, nursed the disappointments of many acts of recidivism, and furthered relationships with many I hold close to my heart. I learned that cheaper is not always better, it IS good to have some type of breakfast every day, and I will never know the right time of year to prune my hydrangea bushes. I think of all the things I chose not to do because I was afraid of food or it would interrupt my exercise schedule. I think of all the things I chose TO do on those rare occasions I was feeling daring or had a "You only live once" mentality...and am thankful I took the plunge. My faith and trust have increased in a way I would have never dreamed...I've continued to be convicted about stupid, unhealthy habits I choose not to change, challenged with taking leaps of faith, and gotten better at having courageous conversations. I've recognized more and more and MORE, God's hand in even the most mundane areas of my life (which, I now know, are not mundane to Him!)
Psalm 90:12 asks the Lord to "Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom". "Number" here in Hebrew means to "weigh out". Interesting...As a planner and future-thinker, I rarely live in the "now". I like goals, plans, steps to take, lists, and so forth. However, as my 30's are now but a memory and I'm now about to enter "mid-life", I'm seeing more and more the value of weighing out my days. Am I living a rich life? Am I grabbing all the opportunities that God allows into my life or defaulting back to what's routine and comfortable for me?
Who knows what the 40's will look like? 10 years from now, if I'm still blessed to be on this side of life, what will I conclude about this 4th decade? Next Thursday does not have a big dark cloud hanging over it. I will not dress in black, no one will be throwing me a party with black streamers and tombstones and "over the hill" signs...I'll welcome this new decade with anticipation and trust all that the Lord has in store. And I will NOT feel old, look old, or act old! Because I still feel 22!
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