A Night in a Box

Last year, 2 of our YouthBuild kids ("BJ" and "Sonia") were on the waiting list to be intaken at Covenant House="no room at the inn". It was fall and not too cold out...They insisted on staying in an abandoned building, wanting to stay together. As the weather turned colder, staff grew more concerned. We found extra blankets, begged them to go to the Rescue Mission, but they said no, they would stay outside. I remember when it finally got to "Code Blue" point...I remembered feeling sick as I watched them walk out of the school for the day, knowing they would be huddled up together in some dirty building with no heat, no hot water, no electricity...and I wondered if they would freeze to death. Each morning, I waited anxiously for them to arrive...and somehow they always did...A little weary, but clean from some water source they'd found and ready to start another day.

When the Sleep Out fund raiser landed on my radar, not only did I understand that it would be part of my job to promote it, but I also wanted to participate. I thought of those 3 months that our 2 kids--and countless others--had to live on the streets and knew immediately that, after working for 15 years with these kids, I wanted/needed to experienced even just a very small part of what they went through.

The night began with a candlelight vigil outside the doors of Covenant House Pennsylvania...

The vigil was inspiring but a bit somber. At one point they read the names of youth who had lost their lives on the streets, ringing a bell after each name was read. I thought there would only be a few names...but the reader kept reading and the bell kept tolling...I was in tears, thinking about the kids I've lost of the years, and mourning for all kids in our Covenant community who had passed on.

 

I had asked BJ to attend and participate in the small group discussions that took place after the vigil among sleepers, staff, and youth. Since about mid-way through YouthBuild, he had been my "go to" kid for representing a changed life (this was the same kid who, a few blogs back, had confessed to trashing the van) He agreed. I was proud beyond words. The kids all shared their experiences sleeping outside and there were a few videos that staff had taken of kids showing where their "homes" on the street had been- a bench in Love Park, a corner of the entrance to a building, a subway platform...It was...I don't even know what...beyond words...

 

Once BJ realized I was spending the night outside, he was a bit incredulous. "Why are you doing that?" I reminded him of the months that he and Sonia had spent in the abandoned building, I shared how that made me feel, and that I knew other kids who had lived outside in the cold while I enjoyed the comforts of home. He kinda shook his head.

 

As the time drew closer for the night to wrap up, for him and staff to leave, and for me to take my box and go outside, he grew anxious. "You don't have to do this","It's cold out", "You're going to be freezing",...I said, "I'm doing this for you and Sonia and all the other kids that are coming after you so that they have a place to go...so they don't have to be out in the cold. If you and Sonia could do it for 3 months, then I can do it for one night". He gave me a desperate look..."I'm feeling like I did when I knew Sonia was gonna be out there"...That warmed my heart...that a kid would worry over me since 99% of the time it's me fussing over them!

I assured him I'd be fine and stuck my name tag on him. "Here--just keep me in your prayers and when you guys are up at 3am playing video games, know that I'm out there doing this for you all".

 

I grabbed a box and set up shop.

I'd been "tipped" to make sure at least one side of the box was against a wall to block the wind. I had a sleeping bag and a book bag stuffed w/ a sweatshirt I was using as a pillow. I climbed inside...

Now, I had layers of clothing on so I wasn't too cold. But I'm pretty scrawny...and every bone in my body was meeting with the concrete. BJ had advised me to sleep on my stomach so my front would be warm and my back wouldn't ache. I tried that for about a half hour=no dice...I flipped onto my back...my box moved around, my hat became askew, I was trying not to crush my phone, my tailbone ground into the asphalt...I kept getting texts from family and co-workers, which I couldn't read without my glasses which were inside my bag=flip over, rummage through the bag, glasses, texts, put everything back, and begin again.

 

This is me after about 2 hours of not being able to do anything but try to find a comfortable position and not being able to. I did NOT bemoan my lot...I was just very aware that for some, kids and adults, this is an every night thing.

 

I must have fallen asleep at some point...I woke up to footsteps...I wasn't scared (we had a security guard outside the lot) but I was aware and it gave me pause...If I was by myself, out on the streets, this would have been "reach for a weapon" time...Then I began to hear other folks shifting in their boxes, trying to huddle up, trying to get comfy (no dice). Some kids I know that have lived in "cardboard cities" have had to endure the endless noises like this...Add a few ambulances, buses, neighborhood fights, and gawkers who couldn't figure out what we were doing, and it was non-stop auditory assault.

 

I got up at one point to go to the bathroom (inside) and was staggering around like I'd had a cocktail=assault of freezing air, limbs that were sore and cramped, outside elements that resulted in puffy, gooey eyes...I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked like a so many homeless I've seen...Weary, exhausted...

 

I'm not sure how much sleep I actually got...I do know that every side of my body was given an opportunity to experience grinding into concrete and none of them was pleased. I do know that any part of my skin that was exposed was wet and cold. We all began to stir around 6am. I sat up and took this picture:

A few of us made our way inside, had some coffee, debriefed a bit, and went on our way. When I got home, I made cup of coffee number 900, talked to the animals, took a long hot shower, got into comfy clothes, and began planning my list for Shoprite. Back to normal...

 

Except every part of my body aches...and it keeps reminding me that our kids, and a lot of people, do not have the luxury to leave their night on the street and get back to "normal"...because homeless IS their normal. They wake up, stash their stuff or take it all with them, often don't or can't shower, and go on their way, still outside, still cold, still weary and aching.

 

I know I didn't solve the problem of homeless youth by sleeping out in a box...I was able to raise enough money to cover a month's stay for 1 kid at our shelter (thank you readers who helped with this!)...I was able to put my love for these kids into action by standing up (or laying down outside) for them in solidarity...I was able to praise God for the richness of His abundant blessings in my own life and to be thankful for a place like Covenant House where I can serve, where I can love kids, and inspire others to do the same.

 

I'm hoping that next year Atlantic City hosts it's own Sleep Out event...and depending on my job title at the time, I may be in charge of it...but even so, I plan on making this an annual reminder to me of what these kids I serve have had to go through...and to keep me humble...