Summer 2003...we were living in an apartment in Ocean City and it was one of those summers where the heat waves seemed to stretch for weeks. We had no air conditioning--just a few ceiling fans--and the humidity was so dense that things started to get covered with mold. Add cat fur that stuck to everything and towels that never quite dried and we were both miserable.
Mark called me at work one afternoon and announced that he wanted to buy an air conditioner for the bedroom so at least we could sleep and dress in comfort. I'm sure I hesitated--although the idea of resting in crisp bliss was tempting, we were way low on cash, Mark having just started at Borgata and we were trying to get ahead of everything we'd been buying on credit. Still...to be able to sleep under the covers? To not be covered in sweat while getting dressed in the morning? I consented with a directive to "not go crazy". Later as I was walking with a kid down to the store I said, "Watch--he'll probably come back with some giant thing..."
When the air conditioner arrived a few hours later, via Mark and his friend Don (our best man), it was indeed "some giant thing". Mark was like a kid on Christmas. "It has a remote!" Wow...like we're going to change it from the bed? I viewed this appliance and concluded that not only would it put our bedroom into the Arctic zone, it would probably freeze the entire apartment...heck, maybe even the whole block!? And when Mark told me what he paid for it I was sure that no amount of cold air could cool down the smoke that was coming out of my ears.
I can't say I didn't feel a tad, "HA!" when, try as they would, they couldn't get it to fit in the window. It was too big. They decided to return it and get something smaller. I was delighted, mostly because "smaller" meant less money. I could relax a bit knowing that we didn't break the bank trying to cool our bedroom.
I was left for a few hours with Don's girlfriend in the steamy living room, a girl I barely knew, didn't quite fancy, and added more misery to her personality because she was sitting on our cat-fur-covered couch sweating to death being entertained by me. We found things to talk about but I couldn't wait for Mark to get home...and as the time elongated, the idea of sleeping in comfort became more and more appealing.
Finally, the front door opened and in they walked. A new air conditioner! No frills, basic, would do the job, and, Mark proudly announced, "Only cost $$!" A sweet relief poured over me...("Great! We'd still have money to pay the bills") until...
"But wait till you see what I got with the difference!" Mark said with delight. The difference? THE DIFFERENCE!? Mark trotted out to the sun porch...and wheeled in this gigantic monstrosity of a tool box, similar to the one above. Instead of a kid on Christmas, he looked like he won the lottery. He began to take it apart with an open mouthed grin from ear to ear.. "Look!" "And look at this!" He began to pull things out of the tool box--sponges, extension cords, and I can't even remember what else because a red film of fury had invaded my vision. "Isn't it great!? And it's got a handle! And it's got wheels!" The difference...I don't even remember what I said...but I do remember how I felt. How I was watching my beloved celebrate this wonderful tool box (which at that point in our lives I wasn't even sure he's use!) and I couldn't figure out why saving "the difference" wasn't as important to him as spending it. And that he was wrong.
Of course, "the difference" wasn't even missed. We could still pay the bills...and as my fury cooled and my wisdom increased over the years, I began to see the bigger picture and larger lessons from that particular incident. Mark and I are opposites when it comes to money--always have been. I've gotten better at enjoying the fruits of our labor as well as investing in better things for our money that will last in the long run (it took me a few cheap-o vacuum cleaners and Dollar Store purchases to see that and Mark's gentle "I told you so")...he, in turn, has decreased his "seeitwantitbuyit" mentality...and I'd like to think we've reached a good medium...something we'll still need to work on, but we keep getting better.
And for me, that's been a constant of the 15 years we've been together. Learning, growing, changing, challenging each other, being thankful that we are different, giving each other room to be wrong (and to be right!), and seeing how we can make those differences work together for good. I'm so thankful that I'm married to someone who can encourage and help me celebrate life and love with "the difference"...money aside, it has helped make wonderful memories, brought us closer together, and, in my opinion, has been a catalyst for growth in both of us...It's the love and commitment we have for each other and to this union--to keep learning and keep growing and keep challenging each other for good...I'm so thankful for that...and THAT has made all "the difference".
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